That Diary Girl

The One Memory That I Will Never Forget: He Asked Me To Be His Girlfriend

2007-03-29T21:22:00.000+08:00

10th July 2001

Dear Diary,

It was during the holidays, on a Thursday that KC asked me to be his girlfriend.

It was at the pondok in front of the boys' toilet.

We were 'walking' and then we stopped at the pondok and it was SO stupid. It's like he has never said it before or like I never knew that he liked me.

He asked like this:

Him: I like you.
Me: Okay.
Him: Do you like me? (Damn stupid!!)
Me: Ya...... (What do you expecT? No?? After what I said to him the night before???)
Him: Can you be my girlfriend?
Me: I don't know....

Oh, when he asked me, he put his hands on mine. However, I pulled away. I think.

Oh god, I could feel him shaking. He was seating so near me. I was shaking very hard too.

And he kept staring at me with this goggly look in his eyes. I felt so so weird. I said that I needed to talk to my friends about this.

So I ran off, just as CW and Mindy approached(they were cycling around the school compound).

I cringed for two whole days. On Friday night(the next day) I saw him online and he took the chance to settle it once and for all. So I told him about my "Friends can never be more than that" theory and how much I enjoyed my freedom.

He understood me quite well. And I was SO happy. *huh!* Then the next day I saw him online again and he said that he can't wait for school to start so that he can couple with me. Yup, his exact words. I was sooooo crapped up.

"Didn't you get my meaning yesterday?!" ..then I can't remember what else I said.

And he was like, "Okay, I understand. I am very heart broken now. I know you don't like my looks etc..etc.. Goodnight thatdiarygirl....goodnight."

You can't imagine how very bad I felt!! So I sent him a long email that my decision has nothing to do with the influence of my friends, him or anything else. Just that I still enjoyed my freedom and stuffs. I pressed on the fact that he's got a nice body.(tip#: when turning someone down, try to dish compliments.)

To add a strong point to the reasons, I just told him that I still liked JT even though he doesn't like me at all. I thought he'd never talk to me ever again......

Then he replied me email the following morning and said that before Mindy and CW got together, he already liked me. And he said that, Yes, he likes me and he likes me alot. So he's still my friend.

However, the only problem is that I keep running away from him whenever I saw him around school. I even told my friend E to drag me away if I happen to be talking to him for more than 6 minutes. Anyway, like that lor the story.

On Friday(this week, last Friday), CW told me that Victor was looking for me. THen when I met up with Victor after that, he asked me if I liked lollipops....I was like, "Okay laaaa...why?" and he said, "Do you like lemon then?" and again I went, "Okay laaaa...why?"

I was repeating myself on purpose. :)

Then he passed me a lemon flavoured lollopop and said, "Nah, for you,".

I was like, "oh...thank you!" Hmm....sweet!

Then the next day was my school's IU day and Victor's sister passed me a note from him. I thought it was some sort of love letter or something. But it was actually about how sorry he was about not being able to attend the event to support me. And in the message, he asked me to tell him about everything after the IU.

The paper and the envelope was very "love-oriented".

Okay, let's talk about the IU instead. Me and my girlpal A stayed up until 2.30am. making the souvenirs for the guests. It was so sleepy-fying. So yeah, she stayed over. So as we all know, I was the head of the ushering committee. I was acting all hyper. Ushering a group of guys up the elevator and talking and all. I must've looked good too I guess.

KT was like, "Thatdiarygirl!! You look SO cute together!" I was like, "Thank youUu!!" and then he said, "Now give me a hug la....." I was like, "Oh com'ere." and I swear that his hand was on my bum!!

Then this form1 guy called Victor Yeap(another Victor!) kept trying to make conversation with me. He thinks there's something going on between me and my senior BS. Hehehhee. So we got inducted as directors and went on the stage one by one. We did our performances. Damn embarrassing.

Anyway, that's about it. Gotta go, liao. Byebye!

-Thatdiarygirl.

-----

One night at the end of 2005, KC and I were sitting at a bar in KL. While lying in each other's arms, we talked about the events that followed soon after he asked me.

We laughed so hard at my then response("Er...I ask my friends first.").

Hahahha. KC said, "Yalah!! So embarrassing you know when I went back to the volleyball court.. your friends were all staring at me."

"I know, I'm sorry. But oh god, I was such a kid," I said, feeling rather embarrassed at my 14 year old self.

..... and that very night, we had our first real kiss after dating for a year.

In 2003, I clarified with KC about what really happened when I said no to him online. He admitted to me that our friend HK was using his ICQ to help him to tackle me. But HK is very shallow and he has this very gangster-ish way of talking. So I should've known that it was him whom I was talking to when I had to turn "KC" down for the second time. The first time round I was talking to a very understanding KC which was very much like the KC I knew.

Stupid HK!

Oh, and the KT I mentioned in the entry was like 2 years my junior so he was only in form1. Like wtf right? So young also know how to touch people's backside already. LOL LOL LOL.

Him Or Him?

2007-03-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

28th May 2001

Dear Diary,

I guess I made up my mind already. The person I think I could be with would be KC. As for Victor, I think I'll break it to him when the time comes. (If it'll ever!)

One thing that I'm doubting is that if KC really likes me or not? What if it is just to get back at Mindy? What if he feels so depressed over the loss that he wants to prove to her that someone could want him? (;) Which I think if he tries, he may.) Then I'm just second choice. Heh. But I guess the reason that I like him is because of all the things that we have in common.

This guy makes me so happy until at times, I can't even sleep at night. :)

Gee! I can't wait for school to reopen..!!*Hehee* =P he's sooOo tall!!

Hey gotta go! Volleyball training tomorrow.
Piala! Second half.

------------

29th May 2001

Dear Diary,

Today we lost to SMKTP. Fortunate a neighbouring school lost to us! I spiked again and everybody cheered. Ah....the moment of glory.

KC and Victor were there too.

Later at night, Victor told me he and the rest were like, "Pat Ho!"(Number 8 in cantonese). Oh, KC is still quite friendly to me.

Oh....just now Victor said: "It's an hour and 50 minutes to the end of love declaration day. I hereby declare mine for you. Will you accept it?"

I was like, "Ohmigod...............".. So I just answered, "I really don't know..."

But I don't think think he quite knew what I meant.

So I decided not to waste time. I told KC that I like him! (I can't believe it! What's gotten into me??) So kept asking me what I liked about him lah this that all. After many cases, I now know better to just agree to tolerable rumours. Then I asked him about the Mindy case and my doubtfulness. He told me he was over it!

Oh well, for awhile we didn't have much to say. After awhile, he was back to being hyper. *Phew*

And when he left, he added, "Lurv you."

So, what's your take?!?

------

LOL. Only young people have that much of drama going on in their lives. Now when you're older, and you're only with a single person, it has its own dramas.. but they are not as weird as this.

The Sight Of Him Tightened My Stomach And The Other He Who Wants To Go Steady

2007-01-25T17:01:00.000+08:00

24/5/2001

Dear Diary,

You know, wait, I don't think I've wrote about it yet.Just a few weeks ago, I saw JT at McDonald's and my stomach tightened, squeezed and what have you! So that very night, I told him about the feeling when i saw him online.

And he was like, "You still love me?"

And then I said, "No! It's just a feeling. I don't love you anymore!" That was the last I said to him.

Just today, his friend KevinC told me that JT said I'm angry at him. *HMPH* Glad he noticed.

And then you know what he said? " GOOD LA, we hate each other la like that." J-E-R-K!!!

Oh, I was telling J.O. about the whole Victor-CK thing. Accidentally sent one of the messages to Victor! Oh god...Luckily I covered up.

Jansen kept insisting that he likes me. All that shit sounds crappy.

Oh and you know whaaaat?? CK ASKED ME!!! And I choked on my water when I read the message. I was like, "What to do? What to do?"....so, to stall time, I asked him if he was serious. He said maybe. Then I was like, "Ask online no fun lor." and I told him, that I'd like to think about it.

So he said okay, he will ask me personally. Aaaaahhhhh~~~~!!!

Hey, somemore I MAY be going out with him on Monday. Yeesh...How? How? How? But I like his body and he's kinda cute and sweet. I think I told Melinda a long time ago that CK would make a good protective boyfriend. Before all this happened. She's so gonna laugh at me now.

Well, gotta go.
Bye.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if I still have any readers left, this is just to refresh your memory. I was a mere 14 years old then. Read the prologue. God, I've been neglecting this blog for far too long!

After A Half Year Hiatus..

2007-01-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hey there to the three of you who read my blog. That's you Eyeris, Angel and Adrian. Hahaha. But that's enough to motivate me to continue uploading another entry on this anonymous blog of mine.

I've been too caught up with my other blog(I moved into my own domain a while ago) and also been blogging there , as always, since it IS my real blog and the one that I would like to concentrate on more. Furthermore, as things between my boyfriend and I get rosier, I seem to write less and less in my written diary.

Not that things between us are no longer special... but it's just that we've reached this comfort zone and there's nothing for me to rave about anymore or gush about because .. it's just him. As much as I love him, gone are the days where I would elevate the characters of my love life(now there's only one person to fill that void. hehe:)) into such drama-mama adventures.

And also the laziness to put my thoughts into paper.

And honestly, with a traffic of 2 HITS per day, it's not even a motivation to blog here anymore.

But the three of you still check to see if I'm alive..I'll continue posting.:) No promises when I'll be back though. Do email me if you want to read more constant material. I'm anonymous on this blog because I'm not comfortable with the fact that my boyfriend will come to know how I chronicled the process of his pursuit.

Till then, take care:)

The Pros and Cons Of KC and Victor

2006-07-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

23th May 2001

Dear Diary,

It's 1.30am and I can't sleep!

You wanna know what's weird?? Arvind asked me but I'm not too sure if he's for real. He wants to be his girlfriend. That scared me and put me off alot. I'm kinda neglecting him these days. I think he noticed. We're not talking that much anymore. No big deal to me.

You know, Victor asked me out today and I'm like, "yea lah..see how..." But is this considered as leading him on?

...Well, I've got a newer case lately..

In conjunction with the whole CW coupling with Mindy thingie....me and KC decided to get married. LOL. KC was equally heartbroken because he had such a huge crush on Mindy.

So yeah, I went up to KC and said, "eh, might as well we marry right? So kesian."

Stupid sounding I know. But it makes me feel better. We actually discussed our baby's name and lotsa other stuffs. And then we were talking about how I'd kill him if he owned RM3billion bucks and what happens after that.

And then he was like, "Sigh, I like you, you know. As you're cute, sweet and funny."

I insisted that he has to because he's my husband. And then he said he wished it could be real. *sigh* You know, he's kinda sweet himself. and we have ALOT in common. ARGh..If only I didn't agree to go out for a movie with Victor.

Ok, let's see. KC vs. Victor.

KC's points:

1. Tall
2. Smart
3. Likes me
4. Gained my interest
5. Quite feminine..
6. Has nice friends.
7. The Mindy thing has been too much for him.
8. I could see myself with him.
9. I actually could consider a form3????
10. He's chubby, but so far, I like chub guys. :)

Victor's points:

1. Tall
2. Smart
3. Likes me
4. Took a long time to gain my interest
5. Quite rash
6. Has an annoying sister
7. Can't break him after all this while. (this has been going on for about 2 years now..)
8. He seems like he is the type who has a temper
9. Can't really picture the both of us together.
10. He's a form4!! A senior!!
11. He needs to shave his eyebrows.

****

HAHAHAHHA Ohmigod, so stupid. I actually came up with a pros and cons list for both guys???

:P Oh, and do continue reading. After 5 years, KC is now my boyfriend for the past ..one and half years. ;)

Club Elections Went Bad

2006-07-23T14:41:00.000+08:00

27th April 2001

Dear Diary,

You know what? CW likes Mindy!! Nooooooooooo!!!

*AHH* KC and I were discussing this just now. SHit...:( I guess I'm not good enough for him. *sigh*

Leaving the fail ponteng in class was a blessing in disguise. I didn't know 4A was using that class for their test. And guess whose table I had to pass through? VICTOR!!

I tapped the top of his fingers and he looked up. I wonder how he felt about it.

I don't know how to like him lah...I can't find his good points yet....:(

Ooooohh... tomorrow, ELECTIONS!!!!

Finally....I've been waiting forever for this year. Okay, maybe since form1, but it's been so long!!
At least it's here. YAY!!

Tomorrow got history test.. by our volleyball coach. Hahahahha. He knows he has been taking up too much of our time. Quite effective if he does it this way. LOL..

**

30th April 2001

Dear Diary,

Elections was tragic for me. The differences between me and Melanie for the president elect post was a mere 3 votes. The worst part was that the Board Of Directors did not even nominate me for the post. I was very very dejected and very very upset.

But HEY! Knowing I made it into the BOD as the assistant club service director. Cool right?

Victor was telling me about his love story with this girl called LSS. If he really wants to win my heart, he should just get in the process and shut up.

In my opinion, if a person likes someone, he should shut out his lovelife as if she is the first woman who has ever touched his heart. And that's the truth.

***

Those were the days when my life revolved around that little charity club..:)

And victor was always messing with my head. hehehehe.

Those Juvenile Politics

2006-07-23T14:35:00.000+08:00

14th April 2001

Dear Diary,

Today was LEO IU.. superbly, terribly, utterly sucky. YUCK! I hate bands who don't even know what they are singing about...sheesh.

I shouldn't have gone.

Victor was incharge of security at the event. He had his hair coloured blue. I was shocked at first. But it was easier for me to spot him in the crowd. When I went in the entrance, he told me, "You're pretty today.." :) Heehee.

His best friend is kinda cute... he likes Melanie. I don't understand why Melanie doesn't want him. He was so sweet, burning her songs and stuff. Speaking of Melanie, she is now with Joel. I was a little pissed at first, since I used to like him and all.. I even told her this.

Oh well, let her brag all she wants lah. Her problem really. She told me that the form ones hated her.

Good lah. Like that I can rake in more votes if anything. :D but you know what I did for her? I sent her all the form one contacts that I have. =
So most probably she'll make friends with them...*sigh*..no biggie....right? right.

You know what? CW is being his normal self again. It only took us 1 month and 8 days to get over it. Good lah. Prefer it this way.

Victor said he wants to do something for me on the Interact IU day. Could it be that he would finally be asking me?

Jensen sent me an "I like You" card from Bluemountain. :)

p/s: Interact elections is in three weeks time!!!

***

I'm so embarrassed at how I used to dwelve so much in my club politics that I would even risk losing and hurting my best friend Melanie. Sigh. *hugs babes*

Fucking With My Heart

2006-07-23T04:20:00.000+08:00

13th March 2001

Dear Diary,

I told CW already. I told him two weeks ago. He said, "Friends don't break each other's hearts...let's not break ours...can we just be friends forever?"

The week before I kinda told EVERYBODY that I had a thing for him. I guess it's my way of hoping that the news would reach him without me having to do much else.

SO he heard. So he knows.

So, he doesn't like me. But should I still go after him?

Wait till you hear what happened on Saturday.....

I was online, wait, I think it was Friday. So, okay, I was online. And so was JT.

I told him about CW(half trying out his reaction and half trying out his ability to dispense advice). I told him that CW doesn't like me.

"I'm gonna slap his face," he said.

"Don't need lar... He was nice about it." I told him.

He said, "I was terrible....".

Then I said, "Noler, at least you kept my hopes high for awhile, allowing me to be happy for awhile."

The first one(JT) allowed me to have a taste of things and I suppose the second one(CW) was going to be the same and didn't waste anymore of my time.

So he was telling me that KS's(his ex gf..the gf that I was crying over about...the gf that lasted only two weeks. lol) a manipulative bitch and that she got together with him only to get back at someone else.

And then all of a sudden, he said, "I miss you!"

I was like, "Really? Right now?"

He said that he missed my niceness.

It has been so long since I've waited to hear those words. He said that KS was actually jealous of me.

She hated it whenever I talked to him. Then he said, "Darn....!! I miss you!"

Oh god, I'm melting.

You know, I hate to admit it. I've totally gone off him because I thought he was a jerk and a hell of a lamer. I'd definitely go with him if he wasn't.

You know, I wouldn't mind being used by him. :\ BUT I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE. Not at the moment, no.

Melinda told me that Victor still likes me. Victor's best friend told her. I wonder how would it be if he would try. Joel told SC that he likes her alot. WOW. Why can't anybody do that to me???

***

SEE HOW THAT JT FUCKS WITH MY HEART... *wants to smash JT's balls*

Change Crush Like Change Underwear

2006-07-23T04:16:00.000+08:00

1st march 2001

Dear Diary,

Two weeks ago, I stopped liking Joel. I glare at Melanie sometimes because she flirts with him. And there are so many form ones going after him. So there's no space for me.

Soooo...guess who I like now?=D

CW!!!

Heheheh. I can't tell the entire world yet...coz I think MT might like him...
And it's not nice to take him like that you know? ;
My neighbour is such a lamer. She's in love with Joel. She's only in form1. What makes her think she stands a chance with a form5 guy?

There are competition among the gang when it comes to Interact Club matters.

Sometimes, Daddy can be such a bitch. He practically plucked me out of the computer chair. *angry frown*

p/s: I've been told that I was voted as one of the most popular people in form3. YAY!

***

Oh it was so easy to 'love' back in those days. Hahaha.

The Beginning Of Form3

2006-07-21T01:26:00.000+08:00

19th January 2001

Dear Diary,

Form3 has started and the class's location is on the third floor of Block B. This was JT's form3 class.

The window view is terrific. JT's form5 class is just opposite(the opposite block, but a floor below. So I have superb view of him studying. Hehe), so the view is perfect.

I LIKE Joel. He looks so good when he's just staring into distance. I just wanna look at him forever. But I don't want him as a boyfriend. Not like I'll ever get the chance to. He likes Selene.

WHY?

Oh. KY gave me this chinese new year with mushy stuff in it, such as:

(Do you know, love bla bla bla..)

He bolded some of the words and it read "I LOVE YOU" Gee! Ego booster! I mean he's sweet and all but he likes to express himself in such vague ways. Besides, I'm taller than him by almost ONE inch.

Victor gave me a card for my birthday.
Which reminds me.... I have THIRTEEN birthday presents!! Wow! I got a yellow rose from my pet brother Justin with some appreciation message. Everyone was like, "Thatdiarygirllllll...flower from who???" Hehehhe. Let them think lah! All the better!

By the way, I became the class monitor this year. Oh! And I won the best decorated KH book. I chose a brooch from the presents that the teacher offered.

Oh, Daniel really thinks i'm a sister to him. It's so sweet. My dear Daniel korkor!

Ohh! Today at Choir Practice..(yes, I joined Choir), I dropped my bottle, the esprit one with the pretty designs I drew on it two years ago. *sob*

it was filled with tiny cut out hearts.

anyway, tomorrow there's volleyball.

Oh! My neighbour told me that she thinks Joel is cute and majority of her form1 classmates think so too.
JUST AS I EXPECTED!!!

p/s: Melanie knows I like Joel.
p/ss: Jason likes Melanie.

****

Ahh..the good old memories of form3 are flooding back to me now.;)

Trying To Be Cool

2006-07-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

30th December 2000

Dear Diary,

Wow, It has been a pretty long time since I last added, huh?

Anyway, the reason I'm writing is to fill you in on my outing today. You could say it's the best way to end the holidays. Joel, SC, SH, Me, Daniel, BS and Aaron went to play badminton.

It was fun, yes. Sweat? Yes. After that we took in a movie. We watched "Unbreakable". Frankly, the show could've had a better ending.

Then we went to play pool. I'm good, man!!

Saw lots of people there.. KH whom I met on Irc was there. I passed him my school year book in exchange for his. I also saw a girl from my primary school, SJ, CC, CJ and their gang.

The seniors from school were there as well.

After two games with SC, I played with Joel. Hehehe I WON!! TWO TIMES!!

He won the next round though. After that we teamed up and slammed BS and SC. We were all making such a scene. And it was .. hehe, well fantastic for me.

That bitch from primary school was there. I could like show her that I have potential in being cool since I was such a nerd back in primary school. So it was more of a show off thing.

Daddy hereby does not allow me to go to pool anymore. :(
He's afraid of gangsterism. I mean COM'N! Having Daniel and the others with me, I should be MORE than safe. Besides, I don't pick guys up easily. Not totally gorgeous at all. *Sigh*

Oh, then I went to a dinner at Damansara(daddy's old boss's housewarming). Guess who was there?? MELINDA!!

Seems that her new house was only a few doors away. I knew Melinda was staying around the area and imagined that she would turn up for the dinner if some freak coincidence happened. And she did!!

So we went over to her place and made prank calls to the rest of the gang. Surprising them. hehe.

Well I guess I'll sign off now.

Bye!

***

My dad has always been controlling. :)

Oh The Criterias To Be Considered.

2006-07-07T06:06:00.000+08:00

14th November 2000

Dear Diary,

Nooooo...the Holiday is SO boring. I made a trip to PD with daddy's company. That's my FIRST and LAST trip with his company. Definitely. However, there was a cute guy who works for dad's company. So hot. But it's just a temporary weekend crush. Anyway.

Good news. I can already feel JT fading from my heart.

*sigh* Why am I feeling so differently about Joel? That can never and will never happen right?! Wrong.

*moans* I think I'm falling deep! Help! But looking on the bright side, it will calm my 'stormy emotions' for JT.

Why do I feel so...much...unsastifaction when Joel told me that SC called him on Sunday to walk her to school for volleyball?! Yarghhhh!!

Let's see.

The good things about Joel:
1) He's so damn muscular.
2) We're comfortable with each other.
3) He's flirt worthy.
4) He flirts back too.
5)*reluctantly* He's cute...

The bad things about him:
1) He's like half an inch shorter than me.
2) He likes SC.
3) If I go after him I'll ruin friendships with Jane, his ex girlfriend who still likes him alot.
4) He likes licking his lips when he's insulted.(I think it's kinda cute and amusing)
5)He's not really THAT cute you know..

Ah! What's become of me?

**

Mind you, Joel was a 16 year old boy. My idea of muscular was probably some toning in the arms and that's about it. lol. There was once when I saw Joel play volleyball in the rain so I suppose that must've been the reason .. body drenched with rain water mingled with sweat. Mmmm..

When I was in school, I had this unhealthy obsession of guys without their shirts on. No matter how they looked, I always found it a turn on. Strange.

The Boy I Love(d) Becomes A Colleague

2006-06-29T19:42:00.000+08:00

4th November 2000

Dear Diary,

Today was the first Interact meeting in like sooo many months. You see right, for me group, I'm the secretary. Minah's the Assistant Organising Chairperson(AOC) for her group. Is that unfair OR is that unfair? I should see it in a different way... probably because my group has too many potential members...heehee.

Oh!! This other group is combining with mine. I'm so happy! Guess why? JT's the Organising Chairperson(OC) for that group. What project we're doing this year, you ask?

VALENTINE'S DAY PROJECT!!

Last year or before the middle of this year, I might've went down on my knees kissing the floor like muah-muah....but now I am like, "hEy! is thIS for reAl? Is He reaLly the AOC for the project? THE Valentine's day project? Am I ReaLly the SecrEtaRy FoR iT???" *Sigh*

*I don't know whether to laugh or cry...*

But do you know what THIS means????
I'M SEEING JT OFTEN!!!

Oh, lately I've been hanging out at BS's house alot to work for the environmental project exhibition. Sorry lah...but I think I'm seriously flirting with Joel.

Now this is bad. This is WAY bad.

Thatdiarygirl's quote: "Friends. Easiest way to lose them is through a relationship."

We went to collect sand and moss together (to build the paper mache mountain) in the playground. So, for fun, we came back and told the rest that we "locked lips" and did "It". So the news got kind of bigger....you know lah.

Plus, I enjoyed talking to him, being around him....

Now, this CAN'T be true.

"I have a feeling....no, I pray that it will go off..." SO SHY LAAAA.

p/s: Why do I keep getting secretary posts?? *MOANS*
p/ss: Sigh...finally can handle Valentine's Day project. And JT will be working with me!! Muahahahhaa.
p/sss: If I ever forget how Joel looks like, that's a bad, bad sign.

Tata 4 now!

**

Don't know what kind of bodoh theory is that..not like I've ever gotten into a relationship at that age... so clever come up with all kinds of theories. *rolls eyes*
The Valentine's Day project was like THE project of the year. Very very fun.
And yes...I was developing a crush on Joel. My then Interact Club President. ;\

If You Lose, You Kiss Me

2006-06-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

28th October 2000

Dear Diary,

Form2's gonna end soon.

4A. 3B. Number 17 in class. B for average. :(

Oh. Victor told me that he likes me. And he figured that I'm not ready. He said he should wait. I told him, "We'll see how long you'll wait." Sigh...nope. He's not my type. Definitely.

By the way, I made a bet with JT. Some dumb thing about him having to stay in class and trying not to ponteng so much for his prefectorial duties.

And the winnings of the bet was kisses. But then I suppose we called off the 'bet' and it somehow evolved into a promise of a kiss.

I'm aware that he's a terrible liar. An amazing heartbreaker. I promise I'll be able to take it if he stands me up. I understand he's a busy playboy.

But I'd really like to see him kiss me. Now THAT'D be something.

***

It was nice having a fantasy or two to keep you smiling for a few days, eh?
Did he kiss me, you ask?

Nah.

On How Having A Crush Fucks Your Heart Up

2006-06-27T02:46:00.000+08:00

5 August 2000

Dear Diary,

I don't know why, but I tried. I really tried to forget him. I really did. Nobody believed me, and I think I'm slipping away too.

Why can't I hold on to my own vow?

WHy can';t I get that one thing that I have always longed for?

How could he have been of make believe? When I think of him, he seems like the sweetest person I've ever loved. But when(that must've been, like, long ago, huh) he's talking to me or when he's around me, he's totally weird to be around.

But you know, when we're talking to each other... everything stands still. I always have this feeling like there are two of us in the entire world. Just. us. And when he walks away after saying byebye, everything starts to move around me again.

I really don't understand how could I want a guy that badly??

Of all the promises he has broken....heck, he doesn't even greets me anymore(I have to SHOUT at him in order for him to greet me). It's THAT BAD.

I mean...oh, I don't know what I mean.

Was it me who also pushed him away?

Was it his fault too?

I remember telling myself once that he would be different from the rest. And I was right. He IS different. In a million ways. Sometimes I wonder, "what if I stayed back in standard 4?"

p/s: Finals starts tomorrow.

**

You know.. i honestly think it was my head creating situations for myself ..and then I believe them. And maybe JT doesn't even KNOW half the things I assumed he was feeling.

hahah. Crushes.

Oh Look Who's Flirting

2006-06-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

23 September 2000

Dear Diary,

Today was Evelyn's birthday part and frankly, she should've done something much more exciting. It was more like a place to talk and hehehehe...flirt.

Of course, as predicted, CH was there. Then he came up to talk to me and asked me about the guy list(which I later gave tohim when I went online). The guy list is a list of qualities in men that I find intriguing. I wonder what he wants it for?

He was like very talkative at first and then he asked me if I have, seriously, a boyfriend. So I was like, "Seriously, no." And then conversation resumed and all.

Then after that I invited him to sit next to me inside Evelyn's house. So he saw beside me, you know, did not even TALK about anything at all. What's his problem?

Well, like I told BS, he's cute but not really a bundle of words. =(

An yway, boy did I had fun with BS. He leaned on my knees(knowing him). So I surprised him by giving him a massage. Then I lay down on the futon and made him sit down too. Yeah true, we're friends. But wait till we get to this part.

He started massaging MY shoulders. And then he played with my hair and said, "You don't have split ends eh?"

Wahhhh....my nerves were alert when he massaged my neck.

Anyway, Mummy came to fetch me, BS and PS home.

Then I went home and then so on..bla..bla...as usual..went online. Then chatted with JT and started it with a few lengthy conversations. He found this poem on this girl from school's website. The poem was called "I Still Love You" which was written and submitted in to that website by me. He asked me if it was for him and I told him it was, in a way. I bombed him with most of the poems I wrote for him over the months. He was like, "Don't make me feel guilty...ARGH!!"

Muahahahhaha.

Anyway, when we were chatting, he quoted a line from the poem that I sent to him through the Leo service. "....ended the half drawn line."

He still keeps it. He said, "Good."

Oh, and he was mesmerized by my English.

Well, I suppose I could put part of this old fault on myself. I did not, you know, showed girlfriend potential. Made him waited. But he also made me wait what right?

You see, it's both ways!! I mean after hearing what he had to say......SHEESH.

Anyway, I'll sleep now. Goodnight.

**

Yeap.. those were the days when I dipped my toes and tested the waters and see how much of a flirt I was. I know I made it sound like I would grow up to be some ho.. but ah. I grew up to be a PRETEND hamsap por. I crack dirty jokes and throw sexual innuendos around to make my friends laugh. I did not become a girl who seduces guys just for fun.(like I have the assets to. wahaha).

Jt Jt jt.. so many poems about him. I still have a book somewhere. Should I post it here one of these days?:P

That Evil Diary Girl

2006-06-24T13:40:00.000+08:00

22 September 2000

Dear Diary,

I swear if you or anybody at all gave me permission to tear her head off her body, it would definitely be my pleasure. If only she would stop looking/glaring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable you know. Like this pair of marbled beady 'doggy' eyes gluing to me. Like I got so much of time or so free to look at her, screw her lah. Upside down and over and over again.

She's a real flat with no period. (So late also haven't get probably destined for life already! hahaha) So during Living Skills class today, teacher asked if I would choose two people to sweep the floor. Damn. That power felt SO good. So of course lah I made Karmeeni take it. But then Crystal and a few others of my classmate volunteered also. Sheesh. If only she could do it alone. Serves her right.

S-C-R-E-W!!

Anyway, today I leaked so much through my baju kurung and the patch was as big as my palm!! I wonder WHY do I always leak...then luckily Aunty Veeki was still at school so she fetched me home. So I went home and changed, of course.

Damn, my stomach ached the whole day long. Felt like a shitting pain. Weirdlah. I thought I don't get pains one. Really funny. Anyway, I am veryt tired. Goodnight.

**

Perhaps it is karma.

Steaming

2006-06-22T14:08:00.000+08:00

21st September 2000

Dear Diary,

Wondering why I'm still writing like so soon?

Well, I do have a couple of stuff boiled inside me today. Of course Karmeeni is one of the reasons. You know, she glares at me with that evil look, yeah, as if her eyes are the best features of her. YUCK. They're so big and ugly. I HATE it!! The tempation to scream at her when she glares at me is SO strong but I just don't want to turn out to be a bitch or like totally immatured.

I mean the closest I came to was when she sat down on my place, on my chair and I whined, "WHY must you sit here?" She looked at me innocently and then rolled her eyes at YI and Jamie. Then she was standing up and muttering something and I brushed past her and said, "You think you so big ar!". Gosh I could feel myself bursting with anger.

If it wasn't because I had a fan above my place, I would have sat far far away from that black dog. Sure, for insulting her I may rot and stink like a er..a dead something.S-C-R-E-W! Nobody knows my thoughts in here. So what right? The main reason I totally cannot stand her is because she makes a mountain out of a molehill. Like that day, Amelia told me that this guy who likes Mun Sein told Karmeeni to fuck off and she threatened to report it to the dicipline teacher.

You get my point? She's SO totally depending on grown ups. MUMMY'S BABY. MUMMY'S BAD EXPERIMENT WITH DADDY AND OUT CAME A BLACK BABY. I don't like Karmeeni at all. Basically after when her mother called me to have 'a talk' with me.

Her mother is a real bitch too. hey call me a racist, I don't care.

-
You know, don't digest the thought that I have anything against Melanie. I was only pointing out her faults. She can be very nice and her heck of a party animal when she wants to be. But just recently I suppose she thinks VY doesn't like her...or if you put it the way she said it, "Hates her." I mean com'n, if VY hates her right, he'd be asking for some time apart or dump her completely. But I suppose it could be partly VY's fault too.

He should like say hi whenever he sees her, not running off to his friends or something.

Well, why am I even discussing this? I can't help in anyway.

-
Today I saw him again. Hmph, he walked past me, knowing I was standing there and he didn't even bother to say hi. So I shouted out, "Lanci already ar?"

No reply.

"Oei!!" I shouted. No reply.

"JT!!" His head turned. He said a quick Hi with a 'surprised' smile. So fake wei.

So much for being friends huh? S-C-R-E-W!!

*moan* How am I ever gonna study for my exams...?! I can't seem to find the time.

Somemore Evelyn invited me to her birthday party this Saturday. Hehe, this is a sad story. First, her boyfriend messaged his whole ICQ list about her birthday party, So Evelyn probably thinks that I might feel bad if I am not invited. Hehehhee..poor her. But I don't know if I should go or not.

-
Anyway, today Victor was on the third floor by the games room looking down at me and Melanie, while we were downstairs sorting out newspapers. This girl who was standing next to him, shouted at me, "Hey! What's your name??" And then Victor said something like, "Eiiii.." to her.

Blah!!

Oh, you know, Daniel said that if he ever had a sister, it would've been me. Amazing huh? And all this while I've always felt like he was this big brother to me.

Anyway, goodnight. :)

**

Sorry, I don't mean to sound so racist but I just hated that girl alot. And I seemed quite the desperado with that JT case. Sigh.

Of Course Best Friends Must Fight :)

2006-06-20T14:35:00.000+08:00

20th September 2000

Dear Diary,

There was an Interact Conference held in a school in Seremban. It was so nice! Definitely going for more! I met this guy there named Allan. I kinda wanted to try him out, but knowing me, infatuations or rather 'thinkings' don't really last long! Anyway, my "Life" poem was chosen as a semi-finalist in the North American Open Poetry Contest and the poem is gonna be published in a book. Wow!!

And I'm in the running to win $10,000!! Or maybe $1000 or something.

BS and Daniel and Joel were pretty impessed. But not many people paid much attention. maybe a constant 'wow' or 'congrats' here and there.

Absence DOES makes the heart grow fonder. NO! I'm not admitting that I STILL like him. Just that, I have come to a point where I have discovered why my heart keeps running back to grab his. I suppose the other guys around me don't carry the same excitement and sparks that he can bring. You know, it's like a game we're playing. It's called "In Suspense!".

True. Or maybe "Promise Breaker". Hmph.

Anyway, I don't think I'm crazy about him anymore. Yea, yea, you may be saying "This I gotta see!" Go on and laugh! But it IS true. I mean com'n! Look at our differences! There I am, wearing sports shoes to school and there he is, a prefect who is in the prefectorial board of directors!

TOTALLY DEE-FER-RENT!

He lives in a mansion whereelse I live in a comfy terrace with my bedroom full of posters and a comfy king size bed bought especially for my parent's first night together! (which is the very same bed that I was created on, I presume.)

Still, JT lies to me. Just that day he told me that he was supposed to be this guest of honour for some Youth thing...which I believed. *rolls eyes* (How could I??)

Then Evon asked if I want to attend their gatherings and that was when I discovered that it was the same youth thingie that JT attended and that he was just a plain new member!

Liar liar pants on fire!

:) Sigh. It was a nice story, the two of us, wasn't it?

I think it has a very sad ending. And ending where the guy breaks another one last promise leaving the poor gal's heart shattered yet she's still standing strong. And has made a vow to herself that as long as she lives she wouldn't face that two timing jerk anytime soon.

And also, looking for new love interests is too boring and not easy. There's not much of a variety.

Anyway, don't you get the feeling that Melanie has changed like 97%(3% is her friendship/love for me. *sigh*) after she went steady with VY? Well I think so! She's extra sarcastic. She used to never care about what other people thought of her. She used to be loads of fun. Less judgemental.

Now she's crazy. yes. Good. But what the heck is normal about writing a piece on cows and frogs for the English newsletter? (oh, my "Attitude Problem" poem was accepted for the newsletter!)

And she acts sooooo cute.
Like she's the cutest thing ever after one of MT's 7 puppies. Especially when VY's around. She's also very hot tempered. And she, I don't know, like at times when it comes to socialising with certain people, she looks down on me. That day when we were receiving certificates for co-curiculum activities during assembly...I couldn't help but noticed that she has this "What's thatdiarygirl doing here?" look. Like I was not capable of getting a cert.

And when I am being myself....she has to criticize.

Oh, I thought ML was going to hand down her post as Assistant Organising Chairperson for the Newspaper Project to me after the Club Elections. She said it so herself....she asked me if I wanted it. But VY was the Organising Chairperson, so naturally Melanie, his GIRLFRIEND, got it instead.

And I was the WHAT, GUESS?!? YEP! Secretary. AGAIN!! #*$&#%

And when I typed out the sponsorship forms, she was 'pissed' at my english. Well, I did not compose the damn letter.

Sigh. I suppose I should be sleeping now. Because tomorrow I have to wake up early and go measure the damn newspapers.

Or NoT lAtEr MelAniE ScolD Then hOW..?

Well, just now I called her regarding this whole thing. Wanting to talk things out you know.

But she sounded busy. So typical. She can't bring herself to sound friendly. I mean hello?!! Your bestest best friend is on the line!?? Sheesh.

p/s: I think ST's eyeing for a mega post on the board of directors. Heck, she only joined THIS year. And she likes follows Melanie like a dog and does ANYTHING Melanie does. And all of a sudden she knows more about the newspaper project than I do.

**

Hahaha.. "Melanie" and "ST", not sure when you guys will be dropping by to read this, but damnit, those were the good old days. What kind of friendship would it be without some bitchings thrown in yeah? But the very best.:P Love you guys!

JT JT JT.. drama mama. *rolls eyes*

and I can't believe I was so naive about the poetry thing. Fucking poetry.com. Always bluffing my heart. :( Even when I didn't send any poetry in, somehow I'd still be in the semi-finals... for the next three to four years.

A Thorough Analysis Of The Current State Of My Lovelife

2006-06-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

21st August 2000

Dear Diary!

Finally! I've been meaning to write ever since the last entry. Guess I'll just do a short summar of a few things, okay?

JT
1. You know what? He broke up with Khai Sheen.(about three weeks ago). Seems that he was soooo sad and he had to spend the night at a psychiatrist's.
2. Everything I see him my heart jumps and dives down to my stomach.
3. Melanie had a talk with him online last last Saturday....he was (as always, as usual, obviously, naturally) SHOCKED! TOUCHED! ... Blah. And he said he was willing to give the both of us a chance. But you know, he said it in a reluctant way. Now, tell me, how can you force someone into a relationship??
So he agreed to talk to me on the Friday after that. (last week).

Well, you guessed it. He never came. *shrugs*
Probably he is avoiding me for all I know. Though I heard from Benjamkin that he KNOWS I was looking at him "longingly".

4. Sorry I forgot.. on the 5/8/2000, he received a poem(thatdiarygirl: I will upload it sometime later. I'm staying away from home and it's in this little book of poetry that I wrote when I was younger) from me which I wrote for him through a Leo service thingie. Before that, it had been a week + since we talked. No. Make that TWO weeks. Total ignorance.

Then I saw him walking towards me. I refused to make eye contact. Thank for for the usual Friday crowd that had started to form around the pondok. So I ducked under and sat down on the bench. Hoping he'd read my hint. But then miraclely, the crowd cleared.

It was like Moses parting the ocean. And there he was.. standing there, staring at me.

Feeling awkward, I asked him, "Got it?". I didn't look at him.

He said, "Yeah." I said, "Good. What do you think?"

"Thank you very much," was his reply.

I guess I kinda treated him coldly.

Then that night when I went online he complimented me on my writing skills.

5. I'm going to get OVER him! He keeps breaking promises, doesn't live up to my expectations(he doesn't even try)...and most of all.....He Doesn't Really Shows Any Signs Of Interest, does he??

6. Peik Ong, a prefect in form3, told me that JT does not like, LIKE me. I bet she herself has a fucking huge crush on him.

7. I'VE NOT BEEN MENTIONING HIS NAME TO ANYBODY FOR THREE DAYS NOW..(GOING ON FOUR!!)

8. I want to keep this up. So there.

Victor
1. Just three weeks or a month ago, he asked me if he could call me. If he could buy me a drink and how would I react if my boyfriend did this....that......... god. He is moving so fast it is scary.

2. True. He has gotten me flattered. I do admit that I AM scared.

3. One time he asked me some "bf-gf situations and my reaction about it". He said, "cool. you're pretty demanding. I see." And nothing more from then on. Guess he WAS scared.

4. Just last week, I received some Leo Club candies with a message that goes, "Well...what can I say? I'm still available!:) - Victor". Damn thick faced.
What a way to ask for a chance, huh? This guy must think that he's so cute or big or something.

5. On the same day, I was online and his best friend Nicholas told me, "Just to let you know, Victor coupied with Jacqueline Koh or something". What can I say?? Bastard. Hell rotter. Cheap bastard. Shit head. He is so insincere.
Actually, truly, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Kok Yuan
1. Hmm....he seems pretty sweet you know.
2. He walks besides me at any given opportunity.
3. He wrote "Origami loves Thatdiarygirl"on MT's table. (he sits at that table during the morning session)
4. He walked with me to the shops opposite our school to buy some paint for my wood work. Of course alot of people saw us together.
5. There was a paper under my desk that goes... "lirgyraidtaht evol I. (I love thatdiarygirl). Please give me a chance. I don't know why I'm writing this to you."
6. He is VERY friendly. Daniel noticed and told me that he is extremely friendly to me.
7. At the volleyball dinner, he was practically glued to me. Sorry if I'm being perasan.
8. We'll see how things goes.

Some Form1D Guy
1. Gee, this is bad. I don't even know his name.
2. The cool thing is that he's taller than me.
3. Three people from his class told me that he likes me.
4. Flattered? Yes. Surprised? Not...really.(knowing me, I'd perasan now or later). :)

Alot of guys, huh? Really. I'm not even thinking about jumping immediately into any relationship. If I was SC, I'd probably stop keeping a diary. (Too many boys, too little time).

Oh, by the way, did I mention that Daniel has quit the Interact Club all together???
I know it kills the heart. But it's true. Joel took over his place as president. We all believe that he'll try to do a good job.

Today was Amelia's birthday. I just love to see her excitement when she opened her gifts.

**

LOL! Ok ok.. let's assess the situations again..after 6 years!! Hahaha..
I think JT really wanted to get into a relationship with me. I was so deluded with emotions. Bitch.
And Victor? Now... maybe Nicholas .. being his best friend and all, purposely told me some lame rumours and tried to rouse some jealousy in me. It's a damn tactic i tell you!!
Kok Yuan was really sweet. Why didn't I acknowledge? I think he wasn't brave enough.
That form1 boy had learning disabilities. Or so I later learnt.

That Big Heartbreak

2006-06-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

15th July 2000

Dear Diary,

This may be the end of the JT sagas. Just yesterday, PY had this Leo Message-On-the-Notice-Board order list with her. And in there was a message to JT and a girl called Khai Sheen(a form4 prefect) congratulating them on being a couple. Mortified, I broke down.

I saw him around during the morning session's recess time and I dragged him aside to ask him about it. His face had that straight unreadable expression on his face. It was SO poker straight that I thought I had the wrong person. I asked, "Who's Khai Sheen?"

And he said something softly. I thought he asked, "Do I know you?" which would have gone well with that blank blur expression on his face.

He didn't even giggle or laugh like how he normally would.

He seemed like such a different person all of a sudden. *sorry, I'm tired from all the break downs..I'll continue tomorrow*..

**

17th July 2000

Dear Diary,

So, as I was saying, what was I saying?

Oh yes. Alright.

What he said softly was, "You look angry,". He had that VERY serious expression on his face. So I asked him, "Are you and Khai Sheen for real??". At first he said it was rumours. THen he asked me if I'll be going to the Interact gathering tomorrow. He said he'll explain it to me tomorrow.

Of course I don't really have much faith in him already. He keeps breaking all his promises.

After that I said I was sorry and patted his hand. I thought something was wrong and kinda believed that it was rumours.

After his recess, he came to sit by me, and he told me that the Khai Sheen thing was true. He looked at me in the eye and said, "I REALLY want to be your friend."

I just looked at him blankly, expressionless.

He continued, "I just did not know how to tell you, I was afraid of your reaction."

I said: "You need not be afraid of me. But why did you not tell me if you weren't interested at all??"

He said, "I'm so messed up. I'm making the biggest mistake of my life."?

I said, "Then WHY did you couple with her?"

He said, "She used to like Aaron. He turned her down. She was such a wreck. She asked me to be her boyfriend."

I could only nod.

And then I said, "I really like you."

But he did not answer.

I asked him if he had ever really liked me. He said he did. Last year. Last year huh? Terrific.

He kept asking me to tell him exactly what I was feeling. Seeing htat I was hesistant, he named them,

"Anger?"
"No."
"Hatred?"
"No."
"Jealousy?"
"Guess so."

He nodded.

I told him one more time, "I really really like you." Once again, he gave a long sigh.

By the way, he said a few more stuffs. But I guess memories are better.

Then the conversation ended when some of his girlfriend's friends said that she was angry because he was talking to 'another girl'.

As he stood up to leave the table, he gave me a pat on my shoulder. I started crying.

I was there before her, if he NEVER liked me, why won't he just say so?! Why did he have to wait this long?

Aaron said that usually he'd keep both sides. Being the attention lover that he is.

I was crying like mad at the bench alone on that Friday afternoon. Melanie opened up the Interact storeroom to let me go in to cry more. So, naturally everyone showered me with sympathy.

Daniel called YESTERDAY and talked to me about it. He said that apparently Khai Sheen likes anything male and moving. Daniel was once a target.

Anyway, I don't feel like writing much. Goodnight.

***

Whenever my eyes felt dry during the next few months, I would think of this incident and have instant relief in the form of lubrication to my eyes.

What a slut!

He Came To Sit With Me. Alone.

2006-06-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

8th July 2000

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was up all night imagining myself kissing JT. *Sigh* Well today we had the gardening session right, JT actually came for it!!

We were ALL pulling weeds at first then we started to paint the cement letters on the ledge. So after awhile we were throwing paints around! Heheh let's just say that my track pants are very pretty now! JT was also in the Paint-fight. And he left a splotch of paint on my pants.

Then later when we were done, Everyone left and went to the volleyball court. Left only me, ST, YH. So I just flopped my head on ST's lap and sighed. " WHY is he SO oblivious??"

Then we all lay on the edge of the hill for awhile ..... and suddenly JT was climbing up the hill. SO YH and ST walked down.

JT and I sat under the sun for awhile..and talked.

He's friend TC(who was hiding at the back of us) started throwing stones at us. After awhile, he got bored and went down the hill. Oh yeah, TC said to JT, "Come here and kau lui somemore..~!"(Ooooh..kembang).

Well, we talked about ALOT of stuffs. But it didn't matter, at least we were alone. Together.

From down below, I could see Joel, JJ, Daniel, Melanie, SH, ST and YH smiling away!

Unfortunately, we didn't talk about stuff that we should "talk" about. Haih. Wasted!! Nevermind..

Then after a good 40 minutes or so, we went down and said goodbye to each other.

So as I reached the bottom of the slope, Joel and JJ asked if we kissed. Hahahha.

Well, okay. As for the Assunta Installation, it was a waste of money and time. We waited for a taxi. Me, Daniel and BS boarded this taxi and then it reached the roundabout and decided to drop us there. Real bastard. We waited for another taxi but none arrived. So we walked over to BS's house. (His house is VERY homie).

Then while waiting for a taxi, I walked around looking at his childhood photos(cute!) and then Daniel and BS played the piano VERY nicely.

After waiting in vain, BS's dad decided to drive us there. So by the time we got there, the event had already started. Nothing much over there. Just that we played a prank on Joel to find out who he likes. He likes SC!! Hahaha.

OHMIGOD!! What do you think? Should HE? He seems very nice! Oh, then we took the LRT(hoo boy) to Kelana Jaya...took the bus to SS15 and then walked home. Done.

p/s: Then when I got home, I went online. I sent JT this survey thingie and I'll print it out later for you! By the way, I'm pesturing him to tell me if he likes me!

---

Sitting on that hill under that Saturday sun was one of the best memories I had of him.

Ramblings Of This And That

2006-06-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

3rd July 2000

Dear Diary,

Just to inform you, my volleyball diggings are improving(At least I don't really hit with my fist now). Hopefully I can be MUCH better as time goes by.

So, the usual scoop on the JT sagas.

W-E-L-L, last Friday he dropped by to talk.... I thought that it was my fault that we don't look at each other in the eye when we talk...then I realise that it wasn't just me. He doesn't really look at me in the eye. :

And after his morning session, he dropped by and asked me, "How was BS?" and smiled. Oh, sorry, forgot to mention that part of the story.

You see, a few minutes before the morning session recess ended, Melanie locked me and BS up in the newspaper store. Not bothering much, we talked about BS's near sexual encounters. Seems that some Evelyn Ooi grabbed his thigh and wrote on it. Now that's sexy!

Then he heard some voices outside the store(mocking ones of course) so he pretended to moan in ecstasy. To stop him, I kept hitting his shin! Hoo boy! Guess who was standing outside together with the rest? JT!!! Right.

Anyway, there's Victor. Hmm. He seems like a pretty decent one.. but a little conceited isn't he??

Besides, *smiles*, there's this guy in Form4B... his name is NCH. He's kinda cute you know. Friendly and all. *sigh*

Ok, can we go back to Volleyball?

Well, sometimes I feel that the way they chose the plays(under-15s) weren't very good. They selected according to our attendance, right? Soooo...this means that not everybody's super good or anything..:(. So usually when I dig with SD and SC...I don't know, I just get the feeling that they'd rather play with a monkey. ;(

Ok...not so. But something like that.

Plus, these few weeks I'm so busy..:( There's the choral speaking competition....Then there's the volleyball tournament. And then there's the *ugh* piano exam. Sponsorship letters for the newspaper project and all that work....*ARGH*

-

6th July 2000

Dear Diary,

Today, Daniel hit me (accidentally of course) with a ball. Ouch!! The pain was blinding!!! Being the concerned person that he was, he put his palm on the back of my hand(which was covering my temple). Oh....no...just a sincere gesture.. relax!! Then CW started making statements like, "Oh! Can marry already! Do you, Daniel, take thatdiarygirl as your lawfully wedded wife..." hahahha. Real clown.

Okay, today, JJ told me that he talked to JT about me. BUT, stupid JT gave that same donkey laugh again. Argh! (well, so what?!) Not like it's the end of the story right?

Hey, I'm very concerned about my studies man.
There's Volleyball, Interact and choral speaking to add to the load.

Speaking of choral speaking, LWK Made a really lame imitation of Prince Charming. Seriously, HOW could I ever have had a crush on that boy?!! I was after all only a 10 year old back then. That guy is like SUPER lame. Need the spelling? S-O-O-P-E-R L-A-A-M-M-E!!

Ooh. By the way, today I just swung my hand while serving and the ball just flew over!! Terrer yea???

***

Ramblings of the 13 year old me. I'm too lazy to give a commentary. Forgive me yeah:) Need to get started on the preparations for my finals.

Ball-Less Boy and Sensitive Friends

2006-05-31T20:20:00.000+08:00

20th June 2000

Dear Diary,

I hate being sick. We can't be enjoying anything when we're sick. Anyway, last Friday, JT came and put his arms around Aaron(who was standing in front of me) and said stuffs like, "I LOVE YOU!!" Bla..bla...Aaron said, "It's obvious..muttermuttermutter"(I could not hear what was being said.)

Then JT asked him what he was doing. Aaron replied, "I'm flirting with the person who loves you."

Gee, thanks Aaron.

So what else is new?

Wellll..as we know Melanie, HY and a few others haven't been attending practises and the seniors and the coach have already picked five form2 playesr which includes me, Melinda, SC, SD and Seline.

So, SC and SD wanted to have a practice this morning. They just thought of it themselves. Not to say that they're not allowed to....but you'll see.

So, SC just told me that "Hey, tomorrow got practice okay?" and I think she expected me to tell Melanie. I DID tell Melanie and all...but I don't understand why she felt angry that we didn't ask her about it. She's the president. Yea so?

And there were the school team practices...gosh, I feel really bad.

So during my English class today, Melanie came to my window and wanted to have a talk with me. She then let out everything...like WHY didn't we tell her about the practices as she is the PRESIDENT of the volleyball club.

The way she said it was in this accusing tone. Which kinda hurt me.

So after that I went to the toilet and just cried my heart out. I felt better but I was still quite upset.

I decided to call Daniel and settle it. But UNfortunately, I could not bring the words out properly and broke down again. Daniel said, "Okay, don't worry I'll come to school now."

So then I just told him about SC and Melanie and all the volleyball practices. He said he didn't know it could be that bad and he said he was gonna talk to Melanie and SC. From what I gather, Daniel talked to Mel about friendships and appreciations. And as for SC, he talked to her about concience which lead to her apologizing to Melanie. Melanie was then quite happy and all...apologizing to me for exaggerating and all. ... but i still doubt her intentions a wee bit.

Anyways, I guess alls wells ends well. I think.

**

Melanie and I had some feuds...but that is why we're still such greats friends until today!

And JT... perhaps he was saying SOMETHING to me and used Aaron as a medium? Don't you think?

Not Snapping Out Of It

2006-05-31T19:44:00.000+08:00

8th June 2000

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing for so long already. Anyway, let me update you a little...

On teacher's day.. that's the Friday before the holidays, Victor came and hung out with me, Melanie and the rest. He didn't seem very obvious about his intentions.

Anyway, of course, JT "didn't see" me again. Observing this, a friend of mine who is from JT's year, Aaron, told me: "Being a guy who is the same age as JT, you shouldn't be wasting your time like that. There are other guys like....Victor Chuan."

I was like, "How'd you know??"

And he replied, "Well, JW is friends with Victor, I'm friends with JW.."

So, my conclusion? I'm getting a deja vu. Call me for perasan for all I care.

Then JT came to talk to me. I was somewhere outside the canteen at that time. Oh wait, before that, a Malay girl(prefect) came up to me and said, "You look SO cute today, thatdiarygirl."(as I had my hair in pigtails).

Her facial expression was not clear. She wasn't really smiling, more like a 'put on smile' and her eyes were somewhere else. Not quite looking into mine.

I was like, "Uhh..thanks?"
Then I saw her name tag and gasped. It was NH! The form4 prefect who is in love with JT. Oooo...scary.

So, as I was saying, Jt came to chat. He seemed really friendly and smiled more than he usually did!

So then there was the holidays which were like really boring.

Back at school, I had Jia Ling to deal with. She's my assistant class monitor. She's holding my hands...being so nice to me....driving me confused, suspicious, crazy and annoyed!! By the way, she changed her geography marks from 63% to 75%.

Damn fair right?

Actually, this is how I find out:

I was kinda curious how come Jia Ling can get sooooo many A's. So I asked Pn. Tang for her record book and just as I thought. She changed her marks. I saw that she also got an "A" for history. So I went to Pn. Suseela and asked for her record book....but ended up telling her about Jia Ling. Turns out that her histroy marks were correct after all. Pn. Suseela promised me that she won't tell anybody. Now I'm thinking, should I pakat with my class teacher?

I could probably her to trackdown all the marks.....or something like that.

Anyway, why are we talking about Jia Ling when this book focuses mainly on my love life and friendship problems?:D

Well, I receved these candies from Victor with the message "I'm coming after you!!!!" ...Deja Vu, anyone?

Sweet? Yes. Flattering? Yes. Feelings convinced? *sigh* no.

Hmm.. I caught myself staring at Jt again today. I mean..wow...he's always the way he is. I think he saw me looking at him. I think Daniel, who was standing next to JT, noticed too and pointed up at me. Damn you, Daniel! I hid behind the balcony ledge when he looked up.

Why do I still want him after so long? Why? Why does he and what does he have that makes me want him so bad??

*sigh*

****

It's always the case you see. Cheng Xiang came to disturb my JT pursuit. And now Victor comes along. Actually, now that I'm much more matured and so much more clear headed about the entire episode, I could have ended up with this JT guy if only I was able to read into all the signs. I think he DID like me at one point. And I enjoyed playing games. Who's the fool eh? Me lor.

The Innocent Game Of Confessions

2006-05-30T23:37:00.000+08:00

19th May 2000

Dear Diary,

JT....oh wow.......super Perfect!!

Anyway, I saw him at school today! I went up to him and talked to him!! And then I watched him from a far..

Anyway, here's a good part: We were teasing each other online...then we were playing this game called "innocent". Where we would ask each other 'innocent' questions.
Then I was like, "Can I ask you an innocent question?"
He was like, "Sure!"
"How did you feel the first time I told you that I like you?"
He said, "Quite surprised..."

Then I asked a few more 'innocent' questions and then he said I can't ask the guilty ones.

Then he asked me, "When you like me, was it really real or just a crush?"
So I went long whindely stating how I remember the first day we talked, how I need to drink a glass of water when I tried to give him a call..*sigh* and the whole Cheng Xiang story...everything that I ever wrote in this book! I really love him...!!

Then he said he was REALLY happy.....and he also said that the second time he walked me home he was looking for me at first.
Anyway, when I was about to leave the chatroom, I said, "I'm glad that I'm finally able to let go of these 'bottled emotions'...." And he said, "Well...I said it before and I'm saying it again....I'm real happy. I feel 'needed'. ..WOW." :)

Isn't he just so romantic? Then I said, "You're happy, I'm happy. Goodnight. :)"

I was like, "MuAckS and HuGs".

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Whooooooo hOooooooOOOooooOoooO!!!!!!!!

Anyway, BS said that JT's a traitor. I know he's not but I'll protect myself. Victor isn't ALL that perfect actually. He is erm..he is not JT.

Sigh..anyway, I gotta go. Night.

**

romantic? ROMANTIC?! BULLSHIT. I was so blind. "I feel needed" is a farrrr cry from "I feel the same." or, "I think I may have feelings for you."

Oh and Victor was not perfect because he had thick eyebrows. LOL.

Yes, He Survived. And There's A New Guy.

2006-05-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

13th May 2000

Dear Diary,

Today, me, Daniel, BS and Joel paid JT a visit. Seems that his head is okay already and he might be coming back to school on Tuesday. Anyway, his house is VERY big!! Well I was quite quiet the whole time through.... then when I stood up to leave, as I was walking out the door, he gave me a pat on the shoulder!!!! *Magical touch*

:P Oh yeah, I called him yesterday. :)

By the way, it is now 4am and I've just finished talking with Victor Chuan on the ICQ. He's so nice! I think we're going out after the exams to see a movie or something.

*

17th May 2000

Dear Diary,

JT came back to school already! :) YAY!!

Anyway, guess what? I became the class monitor!! Can you believe that?! It's like, I never was anything in the class before and all of a sudden, MONITOR!!
WOW! Yj quit and CG suggested me to teacher. I know CG's intentions.. he wants to bribe me so that he can ponteng class more often.

By the way, Victor was online just now! :) He was like 'hinting' again and he said he wanted to ask Melanie 'some things', what with her being my best friend and all. *shrugS*

Well, anyway, :) Goodnight!!

**

I believe we've entered the Victor era. Welcome to the saga of the third guy in my secondary school love life. Hahaha. JT made a speedy recovery by the way. But he exaggerates things, and I was never really close to him..so I don't even know exactly what happened.

The Boy I Love Got Hit By A Brick

2006-05-25T00:19:00.000+08:00

10th May 2000

Dear Diary,

Today, when I went to school, Melanie told me that JT was hit by a brick. Of course I laughed!!

But didn't continue to laugh after everyone from the morning session told me that it was true. Seems that he tried to stop a fight between two indian guys and one of them took a brick and accidentally threw it at JT. The brick broke in half. Blood all over.

Some said he passed out, some said he walked to the PBSM room and to the ambulance.

Some said that his life is at stake. Some others said that he is in safe hands.

Of all people!! Even now I think of it as a cruel joke.

But strangely enough, I am not crying!

p/s: Should I give his parents a call and ask how is he?
p/ss: If I can get his room number, should I visit? Brian was the one who washed his bandage and probably JT has to shave off all his hair for stitches. Noooooo.

*

11th May 2000

Dear Diary,

You know what? Reality has finally hit me.

JT HAS been hit by a brick.

Causing internal bleeding, possibly going deaf in one ear and not being able to walk properly. It's a major......major thing. He might have to go in for a surgery.

Will he be alright?

P/s: Will there be anymore walking homes together?

**

Cliff hanger wei............... but I should've just barged in and visited him at his hospital room. He would have felt so touch and said he loved me on the spot. But alas. I did not own a driving license yet.

Please Hold On.

2006-05-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

9th May 2000

Dear Diary,

You know, sometimes, having Daniel as a friend, who needs a diary? *Hey....no offence intended okay*

So..."Chew" Jia Jia is actually a 'Chuan' Jia Jia. Well, guess what? Her brother, who thinks I am pretty and all...Victor Chuan... yeah. The form3 guy..It's his sister!! I was like *gasp*!! No way!!!!

*sigh* But how does that affect me? Not in any way.

Daniel came up with a prediction that JT may like me and all...
And he said that if I want him badly...I should try him out. But if I don't...I shouldn't keep playing games and just move on. Well, for me, I have my moods for him... so maybe I'll take a break first....UNTIL THE NEXT EPISODE!

OkIE, Melanie is the "in-charger" of the chorul/chorus/whatever speaking thing. So I was reciting my script and loking at her which I intended to be a very tame type of look....but she told Vin Yee the exact opposite.

I went home, went online, VY asked me, "What do you really think about Melanie?" I just told him that I think she is moody and strict. He said that she's possessive. No matter what, we'll always accept her for who she is.

**

Melanie is a much nicer person now....:) Aren't you, Mel? ;)

Possessive Little Girl

2006-05-18T11:33:00.000+08:00

5th May 2000

Dear Diary,

You know what? Have you ever heard of this:
"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but an entire lifetime to forget someone?" ?!!! This is JUST exactly like the way I am feeling now!

Well anyway, yesterday Diana told me that somebody likes JT and I screamed in anger. Then I found out from my neighbour HF that it was a girl named JiaJia in form1. A form one you know!!! Do you know how bloody pissi-fying is that??!

How dare she!!

I bloody freaked!! I saw her today and gave her killer looks...she and a friend was standing at their balcony and looking at BS and gang playing volleyball. And then she talked to BS.....who does she think she is, huh?!!

She's only a FORM ONE!! A FORM ONE!!!!!!! DARE SHE SAY SHE LIKES JT!! SHE'D BETTER WATCH OUT BEFORE i COME AND SLAP HER UGLY DISGUSTING PINK PIG FACE UPSIDE DOWN! SHE BETTER BECAREFUL..!!!

Argh, well...so I freaked out like that to Melanie and she said, "Thatdiarygirl...I thought you don't like him anymore.....why are you so possesive?!" and then I said, "But you were quite the same when VY and Evelyn were in the Interact store with the door closed??" and she said, "The only difference is that JT doesn't love you."

......

He doesn't love me.
He doesn't love me.
He doesn't love me.
He doesn't love me.
He doesn't love me.
He never did.
He never tried.

So I couldn't stand it anymore and burst into tears right in front of Melinda. She tried her best to comfort me and all. So I told her this:
Why am I like this? Why can't I help myself? Why can't I stop myself from going crazy?! What did I ever see in JT?!! He's not that cute or as NORMAL as any guy I've ever known... WHY?! How?! Arghhh!! It's driving me completely crazy! It's finally getting into me. You know what? I think I am crazy.

Y'see, I can't even tell Melanie this when SHE is actually my best friend and that hurts too. A best friend who never calls you anymore, never adviced you anymore, never helped you, never strive anymore to know how you feel....she didn't even know I cried.... She only cares for VY!! If she could only read this part of my diary..*cry*

It's like she never tells me things anymore.....

Anyway, I told Daniel everything, later in the night and he said he knew that I was confused and that I want him and don't want him at the same time! He said that I shouldn't stop myself from liking JT and let things be. But what will work if I can't even admit to myself that I still like him or not??

Maybe I should give Daniel's advice a try.

I hope I can.

**

I once told someone that anybody who steals my heart(whether willingly or not, that doesn't matter) will only bring trouble onto themselves. :(

Young Politics

2006-05-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

29th April 2000

Dear Diary,

Remind me to NEVER again go to an orphanage and an IU on the SAME day. My day was "terrific". I had to change into my Interact uniform at the home and wear my sandals in the taxi! Can you believe that?? Somemore my bag tore!! Argh.... And I had to carry my shoes in a plastic bag.....ARGH!!!!!!!! It was terrible!!! I never want it to happen again! Never!!

Anyway, the Interact orphanage project was bad for me. The kids won't response at all! Argh! Evelyn said it's fun! Well for her lah. I guess I'm just a rotten-lucky-kid who attempts to do charity. (esp taking care of little kids). It just isn't me at all. I'd probably choose to help out at RSPCA or TrEES or MPSJ the next time!! YeRr!!

The Seafield Interact IU was not bad!! It was cool. Though I was messed up.....okay, REALLY messed up. Well, we really should learn from the other schools' IUs. Our IU..(no offence but..) was horrible. Daniel is good at the emcee-ing though~! But the Seafield guy was great. He managed to make use of the accidents and turn it into material to be used to entertain the guests.

Anyway, yesterday JT came and sat down to talk when I was at the pondok. I skipped librarian duty by the way. :P

Anyway, anyway, I was relating my JT - Cheng Xiang story to Melinda during moral class (she sits near the window so I sat with her). Half way talking, Daniel's head popped out from below the window. Then Joel, then JJ, A GUITAR and then BS!! YIKES!!

Then we chatted through the windows. HAhaha like ICQ windows like that. Apparently they were there for volleyball training.

Back to the Seafield IU, Jocelyn(my primary school mate) performed the last performance: Byebyebye from N'SYNC.

She TOTALLY changed. She plaited every single strand of her hair!! And her attitude also changed abit!! Jocelyn is ACTUALLY cool!! WOW!! I am damn proud of her. We used to be nerdy prefects who lug around UPSR books while on duty.

I saw Zach(another primary school mate) too. I saw the other primary school bitches as well: J.Ho, LSW, J.G.....all my classmate in standard 6. Lansi like shit man they all. Anyway, I'm super tired. Goodnight!!

p/s: Kok Yuen is being friendly again!!

*

1st May 2000

Dear Diary,

I attended the Point Break concert today!! Me, Esther, WC and PS went. We were super crazy man!! We splashed on glitters and all!!!

At first we thought we were supposed to be above 18 to enter. So WC befriended this 19 year old girl from Genting. Cool or what?!

Anyway, they did not check our IC or anything but let us straight in. Then we spotted two cute guys that we asked directions from back in Sunway Lagoon and said Hi and they smiled!! Super!!

We screamed at the concert..

Anyway, we had to walk all the way back to Pyramid which was so damn far!!! Then we got honked at by a bunch of guys and people shaking their heads at us. Maybe it was because of the way we were dressed, it's like they thought we were prostitutes or something. Yuck!!!

Anyway, I went home and went online(duh, since when I do NEVER go online)...then Janson asked ME to be his girlfriend. OMG.) Just like that. I asked him to ask me in real life!! He said "Friday!" How weird things turn out to be..... Then I chatted with this form1 boy called Ben Lau..he is SUPER conceited. Obnoxious. So bloody perasan. At firs the asked me..."Who is better? Me or Irwing?" then I, of course THINK that Irwing is better. So I didn't exact get to the point and said that my BOYFRIEND(I used JT as a make believe) looks alot like him(Ben Lai), which IS true. Everyone says that. Maybe because the both of them are just as chubby? Hehehe.

Then he told me he was Irwing's makeover-er. And he's social status teacher. "I'm the one who taught him who to speak to, how to walk, how to dress etc.".. UGH. It's like he is creating an individual. Can you believe him?!! Everyone is allowed to be who they really are and not someone else!!

Anyway... it is none of my business(but I'm still going to tell the other girls about it. Hehehe)...bottom line, BEN LAU SUCKS.!!

I talked to this girl on IRC. Her nick is Lizzie.

CH and WK talked to her too.
CH said that I'm pretty. Haiyah, don't know him lah, always talk crap one. :)
Lizzie reckons we'd make a cute couple.
WK said: Then pigs will fly.

By the way, PS said that she likes Jeffrey.... What lah!!! Wait...don't know whether real or not...

Anyway, I bought my brother a birthday present for his 11th birthday. Pokemon collection action figures!!! It's nice to be nice to him once in awhile.

okay, I gotta go. I need to wake up early and go swimming and then volleyball at school tomorrow.

Bye!

**

LOL. Things I'm weirded out about:
1) I still perasaned so easily.
2) IRC Conversation also must write in diary one.
3) How some form1 boys were so egoistical. But that never changes even if they're 15, 16, 20, 23, 30..80...
4) I cringe at how teeny bopper we were about the whole Point Break concert... LOL
5) That I can be so low about poor orphans.

Great Friends. RIGHT..!

2006-05-17T16:06:00.000+08:00

25th April 20o0

Dear Diary,

It's been another few weeks that I have not been writing.
Let's start of with the Interact IU ok? It went BAD. It was P.A. System but JW can't be entirely blamed for it. Shaun was supposed to help him with it but he never showed up!! Can you believe it?! Well, my program book was okay. Gee, you could not have imagined the pride I felt when EVERYBODY was singing to the Interact song on page3 in the program book. :) Everyone was holding the book THAT I put together.

Anyway, that day during the gotong-royong thing, after I cleaned up the store, we went to Ravi's, came back and sat around.(Joel was next to me at the pondok I was sitting in). JT came and Joel moved over to make space so that JT can sit next to me. No big deal though. Anyway, after that, this bitch called Nabilah flirted with him. YUCKS. He even told me that she was pathetic later on. GRoSs!!

Well, today, I think he noticed me walking home, so he caught up with me with his bicycle and all. He was wearing a cap! (He looks better.) I was quite surprised that he would want to walk me home again after agreeing to be nothing more but friends! So, he asked me when was my birthday and he also asked why was my class empty. Hmm. Two very suspicious questions.

Then we ended up talking about driving license. To my horror, Aunty Veekee was standing in front of her house. Aunty Veekee is one of my school teachers. The position we were in made us look like a couple. So I just said, "HI Aunty!!" and quickly walked to the gate while Aunty Veekee spoke to JT for awhile...

Then JT caught up with me again and asked me if I was going to school tomorrow. Don't ask me why!!!

Well, hey! Don't jump to conclusions. I'll keep to my word.
"G.R.E.A.T.F.R.I.E.N.D.S."
*sigh*

Anyway, PS told me that Jeffrey says "I love you" to me and Jia Yee said that she heard some people saying that Jeffrey likes me. 0_0

Anyway, Melanie seems like she's in a good mood today. She, me and Vin Yee - we did many imitations of people we know and had a hysterical time. Seems fun! We should do it often.

Newest couples in school (To be):
1. Esther and YH(I laughed loads).
2. Diana and CL(yeah, AGAIN.)

Anyway, Kok Yuen seems friendlier all of a sudden. That should be good!

By the way, the new volleyball teacher has been elected.

YAY!!

**

Let's all jump to conclusions!! I think he used to like me. Don't you think so? Hahaha.

The Pseudo "I'm Over Him".

2006-05-16T14:58:00.000+08:00

7th April 2000

Dear Diary,

After this long long while, we finally got things straight and clear.

So it happened like that, JT was telling me about this Thai mixed girl who is 16 and is interested in him and knows alot about him and freaking him out too. Well, okay. Then I asked him why didn't we had the "talk" today. He said he didn't see me.

I said, "You could've tried looking for me." He said he was sorry blah blah blah blah. Then I asked him if after all this one year plus plus plus, have I ever mattered to him before? Am I just the girl admirer? The desperate kid?

I also told him about those on and off feelings of mine for him.

He said if I wanted to let him go, I should just do so.....don't need to stress myself.

I said, "I tried, I tried!! But I failed."

Then he said, "Please don't get upset, if you do, I'll be upset too."

Since he didn't let me hear anything positive, I said, "Guess I'm no WW(girl whose boobs he molested), NH(form4 prefect whom he was going after) or Josephine Law(his love interest before he found out that they were cousins)."

He retorted, "So you HAVE been doing some digging. Look, I don't think you're ready to 'commit'".

I was like, "Is it the age gap? 3 years could be a big difference for you."

Then he said, "No.....No........."

I said, "Well, maybe being great friends is for the best."

He then said, "I know that's not what you really want. I want us to be like Melanie and VY(YES, HE SAID THAT. He could probably be using his lying techniques once again for all I know.) but scared cannot tahan....".

I was like, "Wow, you mean that?? You mean every good thing will come to an end?"

Then I can't remember what else we said, but it ended something like me saying, "So staying friends seem to be the best choice. Might lead on to something else for all you know in the future."

He said, "yeah."

*sigh*

The JT dilemma just ened like that. I think I really picked the right choice and the best move. Like Daniel said, I don't promise him anything and neither does he or me loses anything.

I still can't believe it's over..

**

As if lah. Let me check the date... okay, somewhere in June 2000 something big happened between us.. this IS towards the end of the whole JT saga.. a few more doors will open to other stories of my juvenile life. At this point, I was not totally over him yet. Living in denial.

And I need to slap myself for not attempting to lure him into a relationship. Now when I reread the entry, the chance was there! I know. Me man eater. Nah, not true. But the experience would've been nice.

The Age When It Was Alright To Be Guy Obsessed.

2006-05-15T16:59:00.000+08:00

3rd April 2000

Dear Diary,

Hmm.. Let's see...It's been months since I last wrote. Anyway, things with JT have been going on and off. Well, so far I have about, let's see, four guys to tell you about. There's also the whole Melanie shifting to UK crisis. I don't want her to go..

Ok, about JT....
1) One time he said Hi to me and reached his finger out and touched my arm. (talk about skin connection!!)
2) I asked him if I could sit next to him at an Interact meeting(yeah, I did).
3) And the most recent incident, I wrote him an email about my feelings on letting go and all that crap. He was suppose to reply through email..but his computer was screwed up, apparently. So he decided to talk to me this Friday.

Well, on Friday, he happened to see me walking home. So he came up and started talking and asked if I am ok. (Don't ask me why..). And I don't know.....wondered why I couldn't hear him properly. Perhaps my heart was beating too fast.

And also, you know what?? He walked me home!!! Yes. Like only me and him. Just the two of us. YES!! Can you believe that?

Well, I don't know....coz it's like he has got this weird reputation and I'm in doubt. *sigh*.

Ok. Next story: Janson C.
He is a guy I kinda had a crush on right after all my JT and Cheng Xiang dilemmas. He is a prefect and really cute with a gorgeous smile. So first it was that he sorta likes me. Then I introduced him to my pretty friend Diana and she thinks he is cute, he thinks she is cute.....
*sigh*. Now he is on someone new.

The Always and Forever Cheng Xiang story has actually ended! You're asking if I've got that little disappointed feeling deep down inside of me? *smiles* Yeah, kinda. Well, guess what? He's new target is that Evelyn girl. (Remember her?)

Allan Y:
He is some guy friend of PS's brother. Thought he was seriously cute for like, 3 days?? *LOL*

Okay well Jia Yee is starting to be a pain in everybody's ass!! It's like she's soooo childish. Oh, here's a little story I'll tell you about. So after the bowling tournament on April Fool's at Sunway Pyramid, BS, Karen, PY, Ching Yee, SC, Melanie, Vern Yuan, SD, Serene and JY all went skating. Guess what??? JIA YEE CAME ALONG!!!
It's like she came alone and made a total fool of herself. JY hates her like mad and he thinks she is stalking him. Now, now, ain't that sad?! Anyway, the whole scenario was SO pathetic.

Okay, Melanie's dad and mum wants her to go to UK permanently. Can you imagine that?! It's like what will Interact be without her, volleyball and all?!!!!! *sob*
If she's leaving, she'll be leaving in January 2001. :(

*SOB*

Well well, *smiles*, as for the Interact Club, I landed up as the secretary for the group. *peace!*
I also got chosen for the International Understanding Day committee. I mean I'm only in form2.. in that GRAND project?! Wow....So I'm incharge of the programme book committee. ME! Heading THAT committee. Omgomgomgomg. WOW!! Having my own meeting, putting a notice up on the board and all that. I can hardly wait.

Anyway, tomorrow is Sport's Day. I gotta go to sleep. Goodnight.

**

Actually.. heh, I think I still over react at certain aspects of my life. Though in a more mature way, I should add. *ahem*.

That First Valentine's.

2006-05-10T13:25:00.000+08:00

15th February 2000

Dear Diary,

As you know, Valentine's day is a big occasion in my school where girls gets flowers from their admirers and such. I did get something from Cheng Xiang. But that guy is seriously pissing me off these days. I mean hello, who the fuck wears a hair band to Sunway Pyramid?! So bloody gay.

Well, the clubs are selling flowers and cute things and I got one from Cheng Xiang. It was some scroll with a potpurri and some candies and some flowers.

One of the Leo guys came in to my class to call out my name and pass me the things.

I took the thing, walked to the back of the class and threw it in the dustbin.

I did distribute the candies though. And I kept the potpurri because it smelt nice. Tore the scroll up as well.

I cannot stand guys who have a gay sense of style. I cannot stand guys who wants to get me but doesn't act properly.

**

Ahahaha..action nye. Those were my FIRST few roses and that's how I treated them. LOL. I'm not that much of a bitch really.. but really, never ever go out with a guy who wears a THIN plastic hairband to push his greasy Nick Carter-ish fringe up in a public place like SUNWAY PYRAMID.

Since I probably can't blog about it in my own blog I might as well say it here. In 2005, Valentine's Day was banned in my school after a form1 girl received a rose from a form3 boy. She was so touched and decided that it was okay to have sex with him in the classroom next to the bookshop at 7pm one evening. A teacher who was doing some rounds around the school blocks came upon them.

So stupid lah.

Angry Teenager

2006-05-10T13:19:00.000+08:00

29th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Argh! You know HOW sensitive my shin is right? JT whacked me there and OwWWwww!!! It was for the public caning game during Interact membership drive. Anyway, he was forfeited and had to eat some wasabe sandwich. Ewwwww.

Anyway, Cheng Xiang went and whacked Melanie who was sitting next to me, so he could sit next to me. That is like YErRRrr!! So gatal!!!

Well, here's what's up:

1. I found out from Cheng Xiang's brother, Adrian, that he actually keeps a diary. There are things about me in there.
2. SC likes JJ and vice versa.
3. CL coupled with Diana already.

I got home late from the membership drive and daddy said I'm so irresponsible..bla bla bla. I can't take it.

Then just now when I was alone in the car with him, he said, "You're so lazy...you have a serious attitude problem...bla bla.." OUT OF NO WHERE!!!

Stupid?! I really think so.

Anyway, Cheng Xiang thinks that I like him also. AND I DO NOT!!!!!!

I AM SO PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

**

So I DID go through teenage angst. LOL.

Wow....He talks to me!

2006-05-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

22nd January 2000

Dear Diary,

Not that I have any feelings for JT or anything but HE SAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME DURING INTERACT MEETING!!!! He just plopped down on the seat next to me. WOW! But he didn't talk much. It was like I was sitting there and he just came up! Anyway, I did my speech, which I think sucked (but they told me that it was alright).. I think it sucked so bad because Daniel(who is the Vice President of the club) had to repeat the entire thing to the rest of the club in detail.

Anyway, it was okay lah.

Goodnight.

*

24th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Today we started our charity drive and only the first day we've already collected Rm200+!! Well, we....went in to 3E(cheng Xiang's class) to collect donations... well, you know lah, what kind of stupid cat calls I'd get.

Anyway, when the morning session was over...guess who walked in the booth's direction and said Hi?!

It was JT of course. You know, this is like the SECOND time he's making the moves???

By the way, I think I should cut down on my ponteng class rate. *haih*

Guess what? I just can't stand Jia Yee. She's not even an Interactor and she acts bigger than me!! Like she owns the club or something. She tried to flirt with VY...and VY later told us that Jia Yee makes his balls shrink. (I wonder what he means...?). Anyway, she's TOTALLY childish and OVER cheerful! Too HIGH! Sheesh. It's like she's kinda stuck in the head. Anyway, it's 2.30am and tomorrow STILL got charity drive duty.

Goodnight.

*

25th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Oh gosh....counting today and it'll be the third time already. JT actually came up and sat at the booth table. In his funny voice, he asked how's everything coming along and all. Joseph came up and gave me a cheeky knowing smile. *haih* The whole world knows how madly in love I am with the boy, don't they?

By the way, JT was on duty at that time and so during his recess he sat with me. :)

I also met EH(a guy in JT's year) and he asked me WHY I like JT. Ohmigod, first time meet, first question is this already. *haiH*

Anyway, JT kept on looking at me you know!! When he was passing by my class he kinda peered in. Errr...*sigh* It's kinda too late now..........*sob*

I THINK HE LIKES ME!!

Noooooooo....

Actually, I also don't know lah. I like to look at him but I don't wanna be with him or anything.

Anyway, I saw Cheng Xiang during my drum class. His class is set on Tuesday also. He has got a new hairstyle!! Something like Kok Yuen's. I'll get a better look tomorrow.

By the way, arghhhhh Jia Yee is telling the whole worls she is an Interactor. Just because she carried our donation tin to ONE class. SHEEEESH!!!! And when she comes along to any job, she TAKES OVER!! The REAL Interactor does not have a chance to do her duty.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Gonna have to talk to Melanie about it tomorrow.

**

This is totally irrelevant but throughout the years Melanie and I worked our asses off and became the president and the secretary of the club respectively.
Oh yeah, about JT. Hm, I think the 13 year old me needed a smack on the head. JT was showing abit of interest.....what I should have done was to be extra friendlier... flirt a little more, make more conversation. Oh gosh. I know he is a bastard. But at least let me have my temporary happiness. Let me have the opportunity to at least have held his hand, at least kissed him once.
Not that I WANT it now. I know I wanted it REALLY badly 6 years ago.

"Acting Cool".

2006-05-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

18th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was the first day of school. Yeah...school was kinda cool*LOL* I guess..:)
Wong PW was there, kinda lotsa form1s who were from my primary school were there. Hey, *whoo hoo*..acted like a real, happy maniac. :)

Kinda an attitude makeover.*LOL*. Cheng Xiang talked to Melanie and gang. I didn't even bother to say hello to him. Vin Yee, VY and Melanie gave me my birthday present(how nice...they remembered). I'm currently going through a Pikachu craze and they bought me a Pikachu doll!!

Today, Joseph the Asst. Club Service Director for the Interact Club put me under publicity for the membership drive. *whoooohoo*. I've collected 5 members and I accidentally "invited" that bitch Jia Ling. UGH. You should've seen how lame she was. Yuck...yuck, yuck!!

I'm, searching for a plan to stop her from joining. Melanie and I cooked up many mad scenarios hoping that she'd change her mind. With this, I need the Leos to help me. But it could also be bad for them because SHE might join Leo pulak and they'd then blame me for pushing her over to their side. Melanie and I will tell her 'stories' that happened in the Interact Club.

Maybe she'll cringe and go away.

Anyway, today I went around to classes with Aloysious and VY to publicize about the charity drive project and it kinda sucked. And to make it worse, WC and gang thinks that I am trying to 'kau' Aloysious and steal VY away from Melanie. *CHOII* Heheh. I mean, "huh?!"

*LOL* Not in a million years,man. By the way, Aloysious said that some people are gonna whack JT up. Speaking of the devil, I saw him today. His class for the year is 4D. He walked pass me and didn't say anything. Asshole. Haih, nevermind lah.

On the way home, Chong Yong and Sures asked me that if it's true that I like Cheng Xiang.....

I just said......."Why should I be answering that?" then Chong Yong's football went across the field so I kicked it and SK went "phee weeet!!!" Hehehe..

Then I passed by Alex, probably the coolest and wildest boy in form2, well just to say "Hi.". And he smiled and said, "Hey hi! Happy Birthday!!" I was like, "oh! thanks!" That's sweet, isn't it?:)

Melanie won't be very happy to know that. She thinks Alex is cute. She already has VY. What else does she want?!

Anyway, I got taken as the assistant head secretary for the Librarian's committee. Cooool!

Well guess - oh yeah. Janson said Hi and smiled half laugh when I said Hi to him. He laughs all the time.

p/s: I'm gonna be a very sociable person this year. YEAHhh!!!!

*

21st January 2000

Dear Diary,

I went with Alex to check out the form1s. Yes, only the both of us. I'm starting to think otherwise........*uh oh*

Anyway, Andy the Gay Rabbit is thinking of joining the Interact Club. *groan* I'm in charge of the publicity and kind of quite a number of people are joining. :P

Anyway, I got to officially enter the form1 classes while pasting up the membership-drive flyers. Got some form1s to notice me. Ahem. By the way, the Form Three Volleyball Gang walked by my class yesterday and Janson and Kok Yuen said Hi! To Me!! :D

Anyway, some of the board of directors for the Interact Club kept thanking me for what I did for the Interact Club(what did I do?!!!) and Evelyn asked me to BRIEF the club about the charity drive. Can you believe that??!! She said she thinks I'm capable. Oh my god oh my god.....

Anyway, JT was extremely friendly to me on ICQ. EXTREMELY. And he fibbed about his PMR results. Got 3A's got 3A's lah.. don't need to bluff me you got 7A's one. I know more about you than you even know about yourself.

*haih* I'll write more tomorrow.

**

just when I thought I was starting to have a sense of maturity...I blow up and become a juvenile again. Next entry!

Happy Birthday To Me.

2006-05-07T13:23:00.000+08:00

16th January 2000

Dear Diary,

I'm 13. Really unlucky number. *sigh* Seems like the guys who are around me, they don't treat me sincerely.....they don't treat me right...Why do some people get all the luck? All the love? All of it?

For instance..Cheng Xiang is such a flirt. JT used me and he is a sex maniac(not like he has used me in THAT way ..).

Where is HE?!! WHen will HE be here? (actually that HE was a tall nerdy librarian back then and working his ass off for a good position in the Leo Club. We always end up with the ones we never expect to love. I love my darling. :P)

This might sound lame..but I believe in having the "right" guy. *sob*

Anyway, Janson asked me to go for basketball with him, SK and Kok Yuen. I just said, "okay," but didn't go.

Is Janson a good guy? I don't know ler. He seems like such a player.

Anyway, happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me! I'm finally a teenager. Woot.

**

Yea I know, even now I'm kind of amazed why my life back then had so much more drama as compared to my now relatively boring final year as a teenager.

He Turned Out To Be A Sex Maniac

2006-05-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

11th January 2000

Dear Diary,

The Interact meeting today went rather well. Guess what? I got elected as secretary(whatever) for that orphanage project. Cool huh?? My first Interact job!!!

Then after that I went to a cybercafe with Mel, VY, Aloysious, Anne and Lily?
Those two girls were surprisingly friendly. Them being seniors, I always thought that they were a tad bit bitchy. I don't know but Melanie and I have this strange notions that VY is like Anne's crush and Aloysious is Lily's and all. I don't know ok?? Just a prediction. It can't be a good thing since VY is Melanie's boyfriend and all.

By the way, when i came home I checked my mail and this 19 year old guy named Ricky Lim said he saw my email address on the screen and sent me a mail. (I left my hotmail account running on the cyber cafe computer when I went to the toilet. Bad move). He said that he saw me and he thinks I saw him..bla..bla...he asked if I'd want to be friends. I was like, "Oh. Okayyyy.....".Could he be interested in me?!! I mean firstly, I'm 12 going on 13 and if I look like an ugly whore he wouldn't wanna be friends with me right?

On to other matters...

Cheng Xiang told me that he asked JT whether he likes me and JT said, "Don't know.....don't feel like answering.."

*Sigh*

Cheng Xiang tried to ASK me to be his girlfriend through the net. No fun ler like that.
Tomorrow's there a gathering at Sunway(yeah, THERE again). It's for some gilagang irc meet. Ok. Gotta turn in now. Nightnight.

p/s: Cheng Xiang said something like, "How I wish you could be my girlfriend.. It'd be too good to be true."

*

13th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Yesterday(12/1/2000), I went out with Cheng Xiang, PS, CY, Kok Yuen, Justin, Sures and SK.
I also went to the #gilagang gathering. Kar Heng said that he isn't cute but damn, he IS cute!! Hon Faai is soooooof fair. So keeeute.(Well, Yeah!)

Okay, everything was okay. You know, Kok Yuen is kind of like scaring me. He keeps making conversations. And when we went for lunch he pulled out my chair for me and all...*brrr*. Not to be bad or anything, but it's scary!! And you know what?! He kind of me led me out of the Daytona section, like touching my arm.

Sheeesh. I mean, *Ahhhh*...

And Janson keeps on telling me that he likes me after seeing me at school on the 11th. I said, "Nah, don't believe." I mean how could I believe him right?
Even VY said that he's a playboy.
*Be smart, that diarygirl, be smart*.

Smart huh? Yeah, damn smart.

Great, I can't talk to my best friend...not even now. *sigh*

Ok, let's just all calm down....steady, not until I SPILL THIS NEWS.

JT...........is.....a....sex....maniac.

SHOCK?! I was MORTIFIED!!!

This form5 girl told me this via ICQ. She siad that JT had kissed a girl before and asked the girl to take off her shirt(and she did!!). You think this happened to one person?! No.

It happened to two or more different girls. wow, you know, if I rushed things it could've been me. He started liking this form2 prefect when he was in form1. Persuading her with gifts of BabyG and Tamagotchi(this happened in 1997, go figure). I can't believe he does these things with girls who are a year older than him. Apparently he wanted to get into the prefectorial board and kind of like seduced that senior bod member.

(nothing has changed. Through the years I've heard many more stories where he demanded girl-friends to take off their clothes right when they are emotionally unstable. Heck, last year he even asked me when am I coming back from university - and that we should meet up as he is curious about how a breast feels. Oh, and that he keeps saying that he is a virgin. PLEASE LAH. You're a fucking horny 22 year old and you want to tell me you're a virgin? Please go screw your dog. Should be a virgin too. I still don't believe that he is a virgin despite being togther with a girl(who was an enemy of mine 7 years ago) and apparently the girl doesn't let him touch her boobs. After 3 years, and still no boobs? No wonder he wants to see mine. Asshole..)

Well, what does he thinks of a girl who is like three years younger than him?
"I kinda like her, " he apparently said. According to my sources.

This comment made this so-called-friend aka his admirer for the past three years really really mad. The form5 girl said that this admirer don't know me but she she treats me like an enemy. The form5 girl also said that this girl keeps a good tract of JT's love life. Seems that she calls him, writes to him but he'll either say, "I'm busy," and slam down the phone or never replies.

This form5 girl also told me that he is currently chasing a form4 girl and writing her mushy poems. But when she turned him down and he started calling her all sorts of names.
This form5 girl also told me to never like JT because he's a sucker.

Anyway, for the 'unfounded' part of the whole story, I'm seeing Daniel later at Ravi's. He said there had been something I never knew about but he knows and never told me and never thought that it would come from someone else. It's time I knew more.

Continued at 5pm:

I had to regain my composure before I wrote in here okay. Crying like mad in the corner of my room.

So this WW girl(whom he kissed and fondled to get into the board of directors and bla bla) really existed. At that she time she was in Form2 and he was in form1. She liked him for his money and he used her. He did loads of stuff like making petitions for getting asistant head prefect, but when he was blamed, he blamed it on a friend.

Daniel also said that JT is a real pervert. And when I mean pervert...I'll spell it out for you. P-E-R-V-E-R-T.

So, I'm like a pawn in his game of chess. Daniel said that the story may be true and the other half may not be. Because the form5 girl who told me those stories really really hates him. So she might be exaggerating some stuff.

Okay now, I really really hate JT.

**

Daniel was able to tell me all those stories because he was also a prefect who is JT's age and you know how politics are such a norm in these high school socities. And of course? How could I 'really really hate' JT..? He still had that lovely blood shot eyes and pouty red lips and fair fair skin and that constant sweat in his hair that made it spiky naturally that I SO Love......right up till form3. But hey, keep reading. :) There's a long way more.

Reciprocating His Feelings

2006-04-13T11:40:00.000+08:00

10th January 2000

Dear Diary,

Soooo, on the 6th, Chong Yong had a gathering at Sunway Pyramid for his birthday. HN and Chong Yong told me that Cheng Xiang's girlfriend was coming.

Girlfriend?!

I was sooooo shocked.

So Melanie asked, "Who's Evelyn?" and Cheng Xiang said, "My wife lor!"

Melanie told me that and I was like, "WHATTHEFCCCCKKKKK!!". Then everybody started to ask and figred out what was wrong with me. I think I could not cover my disappointment properly. Cheng Xiang asked, "Are you okay?" I was like, "I'm fine.."

I think everybody sensed jealousy in the air already. Soooo, I was on the urge of crying when we went in to the cinema and when the lights went out, the tears just dropped.

I think after the show(Drive Me Crazy), I calmed down. WC told me that Evelyn already has a boyfriend in form4. I was like, "Oh hahhaa..yayaya.." Melanie also told me that it was also Evelyn's birthday. And Cheng Xiang was just accompanying her for that day. I guess I was feeling a little bit better.

Then during snooker, Cheng Xiang talked to Melanie and asked what was wrong. They were at the look-out spot above the bowling alley near the railings.

So Melanie said, "I think she's jealous. I think she likes you."

Cheng Xiang grabbed the railing and swooned a little. I mean, WOW?! SWOON?!! WOW!!

Then later when we went home and guess who we saw when we came out of the bowling alley?!!
D-Fucking-Loh (some big shot gangster from school back in those days) Screw that fact. Sheesh.

Okay, next story. Pear confided in me about his breaking-up with Melanie. That he wasted his whole future on her as well. I managed to make him continue living, thankfully. So, I wasn't supposed to tell Melanie anything. But I told her EVERYTHING!!

And then somehow they became 'friends' again, and Melanie told him EVERYTHING.

I'm dead.

Continuing with story number one. So since that 6th of January outing, Cheng Xiang kept asking, "Why were you jealous??"

I would be like, "Just because."

So I think either today or yesterday, he found the actual truth, that I like him, from me. He told Melanie about it and Melanie told me that he was really hysteric and kept saying, "Oh thank you Melanie!! Thank you! I've finally got what I always wanted!"

But then I managed to tell him not to rush things and that I haven't settled things with JT yet. He was pretty understanding. (I told him EVERYTHING!)

*sigh* I know, I know, you're asking: What about JT!!?

That's the problem!! I don't know! I need to find a way!! *sigh* I guess Cheng Xiang really is better. Okay, I'll just see what's next..plus there's a group meeting for the Interact Club groups on Tuesday.

*sigh*.

Kayz. Gottago. Nite.

p/s: Can you believe VY has already snogged Melanie?

***
Sorry for being complicated.

Pear was Melanie's boyfriend from IRC and they were together since she was in standard 6(and it was in form1 when they broke up). The stupid fella was ONLY in form5 and he said shit like, "wasting his whole future on her". Please. But then again, I was just as young(much much younger than him) and basically nodded my head and thought, "yes, his future is screwed up."

Oh! And VY was Melanie's boyfriend. Complicated eh?

Finally The Millenium Comes! Happy 2000!!

2006-04-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

1st January 2000

Dear Diary,

It's 2000!!!! Well, we celebrated at Holiday Villa. Shared tables with two families. Met three new friends. Lilian Foo, a 20 year old girl, was pretty friendly. She thought me how to dance. A "Spice-Girls wannabe" group was there...and yeah! They were PRETTY good. At least I danced.

Anyway, *sigh* I don't dare call JT....yet.

Maybe tomorrow. Cheng Xiang...I am not so sure if he still likes me or not.:(

Anyway, guess what? Scary but true... Kok Yuen or whom I think it is Kok Yuen on IRC asked me to be his girlfriend. For several times!!

I didn't accept him. Anyway, the form3s got back their PMR results and Joel and BS and WK and R and KF and a few others got 7A's. Daniel and CS got 6A's...

and the rest so on.

Anyway, JW said that, "1999 brought me a girlfriend, great grades and great friends like you...The best for the upcoming millenium!"

That's sweet, don't you think so?

And some one claims that a form4 guy from school who is his friend thinks that I am pretty and bla bla bla.
By the way, N-Fuck HIM-C strikes again. Yup. He hurt me again by telling Adrian Fong that I am really and so on in person.

Mother fuckers.

Anyway, goodnight.
AND HAPPY NEW MILLENIUM!!

----
AH! Can't believe I've finally finished the 1999 entries. GOD. It's 2006.. and..and.... well, at least one thing's for sure. Thatdiarygirl.blogspot.com has a long way more to go. Ok! Back to the books! Take care, you all:)

The Hopeful Phone Call

2006-04-12T14:53:00.000+08:00

28th December 1999....counting down to the millenium.

Today, oh well, is our Interact joint project day. Yeah it was cool.

But one thing was missing, JT.

Everything went okay. The first half of the day we had to take care of the orphans. The rest of the day we just went "WHooo hoooo!" Sat at every ride possible.

By the way, there was this one Interact from the other school that looks SOOOOO annoyingly like JT.

Only that he has extra facial hair(Unlike JT, babyface).

Anyway, yesterday, I was abit crazed about all the happenings around me so I started to be extra happy and extra friendly.
Yup, to Cheng Xiang even. And I guess it worked.

Check our his latest IRC quit message:
"I know my love for you will never change, just give me one more chance to prove it."
Ok. :) That was good. :)

Here's SOMETHING else...

JT called me. Yup, as in PHONED. He never calls me. NEVER.
He asked how was the day and stuff. I also told him there was this Adrian Leong guy that looked 'exactly' like him. He was like, "Really?" And he also told me that his relatives called him up to ask him to call them up to tell them his results..(which he described as a VERY deadly thing to do).

ANyway, can you believe me called me?!
And you know what, it was in the middle of my piano lessons, somemore. Sigh.

K. Goodnight.

----

28th December 1999

Just got off the net with Daniel, he said that JT was eager to call me as he asked, "How's she?"

SOooooooo....turns out that JT didn't keep my phone number. He didn't exactly called me at his own will. He just...just..needed hinting. *sigh*

Somethings are still the same.

:(

Goodnight.

****
Sorry for not updating, like since last year!! I've been really busy with my studies and sometimes I'd rather put in more effort with my main blog. I mean, traffic motivates. Face it.
Just had the mood to update when I realised that thatdiarygirl.blogspot.com was linked to a couple of other blogs. :) Thanks for the support!

Of Cutting Ties And Christmas Presents

2005-12-18T02:43:00.000+08:00

22nd December 1999

Dear Diary,

I hearby would 'love' to 'thank' Sing Leong for 'helping' me.

He thinks he is playing cupid when he is actually ruining my whole life for me. (well, not exactly...more like the beginning of the rest of my life.)

I only told him that I was unsure of my feelings for both guys. He went and told Cheng Xiang that I somehow said, "Something like she likes you" and that made Cheng Xiang's hope flying up the roof. So...yesterday already I tried to give Cheng Xiang some hints already. But he didn't get it. Or rather pretended not to. So I pretended to be really angry(well, half of me was.) and asked him to take off his IRC IP address (I_Love_thatdiarygirl) and he did.

Well, then ONLY he understood.

But why would he just end our friendship just there?

Did I really, really, hurt him?

*sigh*

Guess in life we just have to let go off somethings.

And by the way, Cheng Xiang also read JT's quit message which said, "Tribe(his clan's name)...Thatdiarygirl, don't worry, everything will be fine."

*SIGH*

--

23rd December 1999

Dear Diary,

I really wish for Cheng Xiang's friendship again. Why did I have to lead him on?

Why did Sing Leong 'have' to 'help' me?!

Is pure love just a wishful thinking for me?

When will it come?Will JT be true?

I'm really afraid of what he has to say.

Or maybe his words will be music to my ears.

But what if he feels that he HAS to like me because I "really,really" like him?

I guess I'll just reamin who I am. Take Vern Yau's advice: Just test and try....but when the right one comes along..you'll know. I guess..I guess I just have to listen to what JT has to say.
*sigh*....till the 28th.

---

23rd December 1999

Dear Diary,

*Phew!* I almost mixed the dates up and drove myself crazy. I thought today was the 28th! This happens to me all the time.

Anyway, guess what? *Sigh*(guess some things just aren't meant to be). Jt can't come to the Interact thing because he's flat broke. (I have to believe that...everybody is.)
Daniel told me that.

Anyway, I was quite surprised that Daniel actually got me a Christmas present(I found out coz he told me that it was wrapped with a black wrapping paper).I was like, "Huh?! For what?!"( but didn't say it out of course).

Oh well, guess besides Melanie, he's the next person I gotta have to get a Christmas gift for. He's definitely the last person on Earth that I thought would give me anything.(for Christmas).
Well, anyway, I never bothered getting anything for anybody for Christmas. I am not a Christian by the way.

*shrugs* Weird. I have to do extra shopping later coz Melanie gave me a gift. *smiles* It's always easy to get something for a girl. But a boy....it's difficult...and for Daniel, it's worse!! Guess I really have to crack my brains now. Guess this calls for an emergency trip to Sunway Pyramid either tomorrow, Sunday or Monday.

Oh....what if Daniel's gift to me is a prank?

Nah...Daniel won't do that..will he?(I wonder).

Well it's nice of him, though. But I also have to admit it's pretty weird.
(maybe it's because no friends but family have ever gave presents to me before this year).
Anyway, good night.

---

I'm still stunned by the amount of thoughts that ran through my pubescent mind back in 1999. God, I was only 12 and I assumed so much. I think I think less these days. Hehehe;D Brain cells die off when one gets older. Heh :)

Assumed To Be Torn

2005-12-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

20th December 1999

Dear Diary,

I know, I know I have been a bad girl and haven't been writing. I just love Australia! Jasper the Dog is so cute! Aunty Grace and Aunty Joan are okay as well!

Anyways, in the middle of the vacation, I took off my necklace when something in me told me that I am not really sure about Cheng Xiang. But you know what??! I lost it! I lost it on the day I was supposed to come home!(19th Dec).

When I got back from the airport, I immediate called Melanie. I wrote her a letter about how I felt. I told her that I wasn't quite sure of how I feel. Then Mel told Veng Yau about it and he told Cheng Xiang. Cheng Xiang then wanted to know about the WHOLE content of the letter. *haih* Thank god Melanie was smart enough not to give it to him.

Jaslyn sucks man. She knows that Cheng Xiang likes me..and she asked me why I don't accept him and stuff....whereelse on the other hand, she's persuing Cheng Xiang about her feelings and becoming his cyber girlfriend. I came to a conclusion when I read Cheng Xiang's quit message in IRC. "Ah Lyn...*haih*(something about the gilagang christmas party). Thatdiarygirl came back already..." Isn't it obvious that he is somewhat torn?

Guys.

Today...this morning to be exact, JT was online. He asked me if I am with that Xiang Chiang fella. I couldn't help laughing. I said, "No, not Xiang Chiang...CHENG XIANG and nope, I'm not with him." Then he say he has got alot to tell me on the 28th of December. *cool, huh*
His signs are really weird. He said hope for the best and prepare for the worst. See? He IS weird.

You're right, Melanie. Melanie told me that he is a weird guy.

Anyway, half way through talking to JT...Daniel messaged me and told me to go offline. Coz Melanie wanted to call me and wanted me to go to Pyramid. So I met BS and Daniel at the bus stop and took a taxi to Pyramid. Melanie and Veng Yau came hand in hand. (kinda jealous there.....I envy their cool relationship). *sigh*.

What to do when your bestfriend's having the time of her life and you're going through a love-dilemma consisting of a guy who likes you but not exactly your type and you WERE already in love with another before.(two different guys).

*SIGH* Guess all will be revealed on the 28th. Holds my fate huh?

Anyway, JT (I think) he was invisible on ICQ just now. Is he avoiding me?

Just now when I came back from 7-Eleven with Vin Yee...there were so many guys on motorbikes. I was wearing my shortest tights and Reebok shirt. I was eating a chocolate bar and they said in cantonese, "Hello! Hello! Enough to eat anot ar?"(and lots more.) Then a guy in a car said, "See enough, don't tease.."

Damn them assholes!

Goodnight.

I am emotionally depressed.

--

hahaha. Getting teased by wolf-whistlers also must write down one. Tsk, tsk. I haven't really got the time to update much in recent times. What with my lack of a proper internet connection. Even my other blog is getting an average of 3-4 posts a week. :( But anyway! It's nice to know what was happening 6 years back! :)

6 years after 1999, thatdiarygirl will be doing something sweet with someone really special this weekend.:) You'll get to hear about this guy when thatdiarygirl goes to Form3. Thatdiarygirl will definitely scribble about this weekend... but how long will it be before I can finally reach year 2005 in my diary-to-blog endeavour? I have not even keyed in the entries from year 2000 yet.
There'll be a loooong way more to go. I don't know if you guys will hang around for that long.. but do drop in whenever!:) Not updated consistently, but updated, nevertheless.

The Broken Necklace

2005-11-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

20th November 1999

Dear Diary,

Sad to say, my feelings for JT are really fading away. Okay, this is what happened. On Wednesday, Cheng Xiang gave me back my autograph book. He had a letter in it. It was for me. *duh*. The letter is this green piece of paper here. And in the envelope was a small package. It was a necklac. A glass pendant with purple liquid with a rice inside that says on the front, "I *heart* you" and at the back "-143-", with glow in the dark sand that flowed everywhere. It was so sweet..!

But sadly, the next day, I was fixing the string while playing computer and then I misplaced it. And when I stood up, it fell from my lap and YEP! It broke. I cried. I called Melanie and blubbed to her about the whole thing. She told me that if this was the way I really reacted, that means I like him and my feelings for JT was starting to fade. She asked me to write a letter to JT and ask him about the situation. I wrote it.

In the letter, I asked him if he likes me too.. and about Cheng Xiang... I managed to get Sohail and Daniel to help me pass it to him. Then later that day, Melanie told Cheng Xiang about the necklace and how I reacted.

Cheng Xiang said, "Really ar? Yar right." for like a million times.(That's what Melanie told me lah)

And guess what? He got me another one yesterday.

I mean...only ONE day he knew about it and he already got me another one the following day.
Melanie coupled with Vern Yau yesterday. I'm happy for them. She showed and gave me the necklace right after Vern Yau asked her. Right after we said goodbye to Cheng Xiang. By the way, Cheng Xiang, Chung Lern, Vern Yau, Chong Yong, Melanie, Sandra, Jia Yee, Diana and Pei Tze came over my house yesterday for like half an hour.

Sigh....I wanted JT to reply yesterday(it was the last day of school)....but he...didn't. Apparently he got terribly sick...so..*sob*.

I wanted to call him today. But I guess not. But I really regret not calling. I wanted to know how he was doing.

Oh yeah, on this necklace, the message on the front was "-I *heart* you-" and at the back was "forever....".

Who should I choose?!

Okay, bye. School had ended. *sob*

****
Amazingly enough, I found the letter somewhere.. :) Read on:

Dear thatdiarygirl,

Thanks a million for letting me jot some stuffs in your lovely, cute,
gorgeous, and wut ever u can say good about a autograph book. I wish you Good
Luck with JT and also in wuteva u do.just follow wuteva yer heart seys it will
bring you to the right track. I'm sure my autograph is reali terivle, ugly,
boring n etc. If it is, i'm really sorieee.

By now I think you already open de yellow envelop or maybe not yet. Its
specially for you. I bought this a long time ago but I daren't pass it to you. I
bought it when we went to Lagoon that day. I will alwaiZ remember that rid we
took togteher. I hope I didn't hurt yer feeling. I'm really soriee for
everythingie. I know your heart is for JT. and I won't take it away. I will wait
for you.

i lurve you!!

p/s: If you don't like de present you can throw it away. I wanted
to...but I will wait for you.

Love, CX.

Who's Being Perasan Now?

2005-11-12T12:24:00.000+08:00

7th November 1999

Dear Diary,

Okay, good. I told Cheng Xiang already. I said, " I don't want to ruin our friendship. Full stop. End of story. I hope you understand."

His pet sister, Jolyne, told me that he was VERY sad. Cheng Xiang, I am SO SORRY.. but I just have to tell you. It has to come now or later right? There are many other girls in the world....sigh.

Hmmm..but I think he hates me. But I think he doesn't and I don't know why does he keep saying sorry! Nevermind, I'll print out what he said to Jolyne tomorrow.
By the way, I just got back from Malacca.
Ne wayz, night.

--

12th November 1999

Dear Diary,

JT talked to me again today! *YAY* He asked me for my phone number and he wrote it down in his hand. Ahhhh...He brought up the Daniel thing. About how Daniel was supposed to get us to meet and all. Finally, for once, I talked to him for more than 5 minutes. I'll see him at the Interact meeting tomorrow.

I am going with Cheng Xiang and everyone else to the Westlife concert.
There's this stalker called Koon Nyet....he sucks!

Janson said that he wants to kay me. Yahh right. One Malay guy said Hi to me and I was like, "Huh?"

--

15th November 1999

Dear Diary,

I don't know how I found the courage but I just did!! I called JT!! Talked for an hour plus...*sigh*. We got to stuffs like, "Southpark, my favourite character is Cartman.", "Josephine is my far-far away cousin.", and also to stuffs like, "Friends..? I'm kinda rejected." I wish I didn't ask him that. So sad...

By the way, all I have to say is that he so damn cute!!!

Well toooooday, I wanted to ask him if he's going for the Wednesday night Interact Club dinner and he said he was. *oh* (or something like that. I am not sure if he heard me right.)

I went for Westlife yesterday!! Well, the pass, yeah, it's from CHeng Xiang one. hmmm..Oklah. We had front row and I was standing right below the RIGHT LAMP in the amphitheatre!! Yes!! So when I waved and screamed...I got replies!! Shane is SO cute, they're all SO CUTE!! Then we also met Jolyne there. Took pictures with the Hitz.fm DJ(Fabian and Jake). My friend, Sher Lyn is so lucky. She managed to get backstage passes. Anyways, that's all. Oh yeah, saw so damn many people from school there. Okay, goodnight.

p/s: Malenie and Vern Yau....a gonnabe couple. Thanks to me!! *LOL*

**
The perasanness was acting up again.

Pre-Pubescent Shit

2005-11-11T09:25:00.000+08:00

5th November 1999

Dear Diary,

Halp!!!!!!! By the way, Daniel said what I did was very wrong. Oh no....!! And I'm supposed to with Cheng Xiang to Pyramid this Tuesday to meet Adrian Fong and Jaslyn. I don't wanna go. But I want to meet them. I want Cheng Xiang to give up hope...!! I seriously want him to give up hope!!

Argh....the only guy I like is JT. I wish Cheng Xiang will understand.

Hmm..by the way, the orphanage project is postponed to next year. That means JT will only get to know me "a little better" next year. Haih. Daniel told me that JT said, "Oklar... I'll call her up and get to know her a little better!!" *sigh* THEN QUICK LAH!!!

The Pyramid thing, part of me want to go..another part of me don't want to go. *aih*

What am I gonna do?!! Somemore, my results are out:
68% for Sejarah
62% for Geography
63% for Science
66% for Maths
45/80 for Kemahiran Hidup
80% for BM
94% for English.

Next year surely go sapai class one... How am I gonna tell Daddy??

*sniff*

--

6th November 1999

Dear Diary,

Okay, I told Cheng Xiang that I can't go to Pyramid coz Daddy said no. (Which daddy doesn't even know about! So it's just an excuse.) He said he's sad and so on. Then the song "I'll Be There For You" on Hitz.fm came on. I typed out the lyrics to CX but I don't mean it. Then in his quit message he wrote:(something like) --> "I Feel that you're closer to me. I wish I could be there..etc"

He thinks I like him. Ohmigod.

By the way, Jin Yung asked me to be his girlfriend. I was like dumbfounded and he finally said, "You damn ugly, don't perasan.".
I think Nick Chia was there. He always insults me in a really mean way.

Who cares about the bloody *faloklat gang people...Faloklat is a gangster group's name. They are made up of a bunch of stupid form2s.

By the way, Daddy didn't really scold me about my results..!! *YAY!*

I mixed Janson up with a picture of Andy Lau. (I think he damn kembang now.) Then somehow it led on to me saying about how I have no confidence in the way I look. He said that I am pretty. Then I said, "Oh yah? Then don't see any guy like me wan?"

Then he said, "Believe it or not that I like you?" and I said, "No."

Then one form3 guy told me that Chung Lern said I am pretty. Yar right. It is all fake, I think!!

Somemore, I found out that Cyndi Liew and Melinda Thong used to like JT!! OHMIGOD?!!! Poor JT!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!

I'd better run to the chance!! AHHH!!!

It hurts to know that he likes someone besides me and it also hurts to know that someone else(s) like(s) him.

*SOB*

***

That JT guy was really messing my head and yeah, the typical shit from lame pre-pubescent boys happened to me as well.

That Memorable Sunway Lagoon Trip

2005-11-09T10:52:00.000+08:00

3rd November 1999

Dear Diary,

Today, *takes a deep breath* TODAY..as planned, we were supposed to go to Sunway Lagoon with Melanie, Jia Yee, Chung Lern and Theng Chun and Wern Cheen and Jamie. But turns out that in the morning, Chong Yong gave Melanie a call and told her that he, SUres, Cheng Xiang and Kok Yuen were going. He said that I didn't know about it an dwanted to give me a surprise. Well, SoOooOo...when I stepped out of the car I was shocked to see Cheng Xiang and gang all there. I was like, "Mouth hanging open". Then I greeted Melanie and Wern Cheen and Jamie. (after saying Hi to Cheng Xiang they all). Then melanie told me everything......hmmmm.
We saw Chin Teik(my form1 schoolmate) and the others there as well.Then we went to Segacity.

Oooh, Guess who was there? Kevin Chan, Brandon Ooi and gang! They all came for the high tea.(high tea sucks!) SoooooO, I just started making faces when I saw them. Oh yeah, Nick Chia and gang were there too.. then I just showed them my third finger..*sigh*
Luckily they didn't see or else they would've beaten me up.

Then Chong Yong and Cheng Xiang were playing the basketball game and Melanie nudged me and told me that Nick Chia passed Cheng Xiang something. At first I didn't really get what she meant but then I finally understood. I made a shocked face and Melanie pulled me out of Segacity.(to the photo booths). Hmmm..turns out that Cheng Xiang noticed and he sweared under his breath coz I found out that he smokes.

Okay..nevermind. So we all decided to have lunch together. Then as I was passing by McDonalds..out of nowhere, Shereen Ng jumped out at me and said, "Hey Hi! Can I talk to you for awhile?" in a sorta 'friendly way'. Then she pulled me to a side and asked me if I told Cheng Xiang already(about her and the whole clearing her name thing) then I was like, "Er...yeah!"
She was like, "Really? Sure?" And I was like, "Really. sure."

Then I went up to Cheng Xiang and Chong Yong and told them about it. Cheng Xiang was biting his nails. Then they told me they were coming to Sunway Lagoon along with us. I was quite surprised though. So I was like, "Oh cool!"

Okay, so we all tried to find our way out of pyramid. Chung Lern was leading. He kept ending up in "Girl's stuff". First was a girl's toilet and second it was a lingerie section. *LOL*

Then we went to Lagoon to buy the ticket. Everybody got a voucher except me. So Cheng Xiang handed me one. Melanie said, "From the dustbin one!" and he laughed and said, "Stupid!" kekeke..

Well, we went in, the first ride we went on was the bullcoaster. *Yawn* Cheng Xiang and Chong Yong sat at the back of me and Melanie. After that they all went for the Nuagara falls and Chung Lern, Theng Chun and me didn't go. Instead I saw with Chung Lern and Theng Chun on the bullcoaster again. I sat next to Chung Lern and Theng Chun sat at the back.

Then we went for the "shoes" ride. Sat for three rounds..*faint*. Then we went for the Sky Flyer. Huh!!! At first, Melanie, Jia Yee, Cheng Xiang and Wern Cheen ran at the chance. Then me and Theng Chun, we were like, "Wanna go or not ar?" so we just went lah. Then I was supposed to sit next to Theng Chun. Mel said that she heard Cheng Xiang said to Wern Cheen(they were sitting next to each other), "I really wish I can sit with her.." Then Melanie said, "Hey thatdiarygirl! Wanna sit with Cheng Xiang and exchange with Wern cheen?" I was like, "Er...er.... ok...". Then I got out of my place and Wern Cheen came in. I went to the back and Cheng Xiang let me go in first. What a gentleman!

Then it was like......silence. (except for Melanie and Jia Yee who were already screaming even before the ride started).

Then I asked him, "Is this your first time?" and he was like, "Yeah, you?" I was like, "Same ler." then the thing started. Oh god.

He had his pendant in his mouth and his eyes were closed. and WOW.

My first time on the sky flyer was with Cheng Xiang. And it was scary!! Then when it stopped I asked everybody if they wanted to go on another round. Then the rest were like, "Huh?!" Wern Cheen and Theng Chun got out. Cheng Xiang gave me a "Are you crazy?!" look. Then he said, "Oklaaa..go another round." (Wow, I can still feel the speed now). Then I said, "SorryyYyy....."

Then when we were hanging upside down, I looked at Cheng Xiang and he was closing his eyes again and when the thing finally ended he was like, "Thank god! THANK GOD!!" I think he was seriously scared. SERIOUSLY!!! Then we all came out and went for other rides. I tried to take some pictures but too bad the camera wasn't working. *Sob*.

Okay..then we all went for the bumper car. Everybody kept banging each other. Then I played Daytona with Cheng Xiang and Chong Yong and I won! Wahahaha! Then I asked Cheng Xiang if he wanted to play again but he said he did not have any more change on him. Then I passed him two bucks(coins) and he said, "Nevermind lah." and I said, "Just take it lah!!" Then he passed me two bucks(paper). I was like, "Oh okay."

Then we played. Hehe. I won. After that, he and Chong Yong had to go back to Pyramid and find Sures and Kok Yuen. Then me and Jia Yee went another round on the Sky Flyer! WOW. That's three times! Then we all went to Pyramid again and like practically the whole school was there. Well, then we went home. Then I called Melanie, she told me that I was practically ignoring Cheng Xiang half the time and he wanted to talk to me so much!

Well, when I went into IRC at 10.00pm, the whole world knew that I went with Cheng Xiang to Sunway Lagoon. *haiyoh*

By the way, Ban Siang asked me to be his pet sister. He also asked me for my phone number. Ok, gotta go. Night!

p/s: Cheng Xiang's quit message in Irc was "I soooo happy coz I went to Sunway with thatdiarygirl and gang. So tired.."

p/ss: I feel so bad. JT, forgive me.

p/sss: Tomorrow is the last day for JT's PMR paper.

***

HAHAHAHA.. Ohmigod, now that I have a ~~dirtier~~ more matured way of thinking. I just noticed this:

Then I asked him, "Is this your first time?" and he was like, "Yeah, you?" I was like, "Same ler." then the thing started. Oh god.

He had his pendant in his mouth and his eyes were closed. and WOW.

HAHAHAHAHA. It sounded SO wrong and SO cliche.

The False Climax

2005-11-08T09:18:00.000+08:00

2nd November 1999

Dear Diary,

Hmm...today we have JT to talk about. As usual.

So, Daniel came online. And he told me that JT IS interested in me...huh....Daniel said that he also confronted JT about the roses thing..and also said about the "two extra roses" he gave to Josephine. This made JT fell silent. Then bla...bla...Daniel asked JT to go for the orphanage thing. And JT asked, "Is thatdiarygirl going?" and Daniel said, "Yeah...." and JT said "Oklah... I also go so I can get to know her better." HmmmMm..

Oh yah, Daniel also told JT about the CHeng Xiang thing and JT was 'pleasantly surprised' that I chose him. By the way, Jia Yee said that she saw him walking to school yesterday.

And about the phone thing...Daniel asked me to JUST wait and see..he also said that JT might ask for my phone number.(and maybe not as I have given it to him before)...*Sigh*

Daniel also said JT is a romantic. Daniel kept making me hang on his every word...nevermind, I'lltry to get a straight answer from him tomorrow...!!

By the way, I had drum lessons today. Teacher's watch was 15 minutes early..so we had to go back in the studio again.

HaihZ!! Then I asked Mr. Chia if he knows Cheng Xiang and Adrian Yeoh then he was like, "Oh yeah!!" And then he added, "Somemore..one of your classmate's said that you're gonna score in your exams. But I can't tell you who that friend is!!" And I was like, "Huh?!" then I asked Cheng Xiang if he had asked Mr. Chia about me before. He said Adrian did. O-kaaayy...

Ne wayz, I've got a replacement class on Thursday night 8.00pm(tomorrow).
hehe, So I am gonna be able to meet them there as they have classes at that time as well!!

Ne wayz, tomorrow going Lagoon! Chung Lern, Melanie, Jia Yee, Jia Yee's cousin Theng Chun and the rest ler. Good night!!

So There Is Hope!

2005-11-08T09:17:00.000+08:00

1st November 1999

Dear Diary,

Last Saturday, Shereen scolded me through IRC saying that I had accused the wrong person. Actually it was Sit Yee who was the cause. So I was like yeah, whatever, I'm sorry..bla bla bla.. and then we became friends. But I had to do her a favour. That was to clear her name with Cheng Xiang.

By the way, Daniel talked to JT on the phone for two hours and the main topic is obvious. Daniel told me that JT wasn't very okay with the "Love thatdiarygirl" on the message on the Leo's message board..Oh well..

Daniel also told me to expect a call (latest)two weeks from now..and that I am going to enjoy the orphanage Interact project thing VERY much.

Ne wayz, Daniel said that he thinks that JT IS interested in me and so on.
Alright then, I shall sleep now. NIGHT!

Banshee Bitch

2005-11-08T09:11:00.000+08:00

28th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today is a cold cold day. Hmm..yesterday, when I came down from the block A tangga...Sit Yee screamed at me and said, "Cheng Xiang got bad taste errrr!!!!!!" It's like the whole Block A and Block B heard. That bitch!! it has nothing to do with her also right?? Hmph.

Cheng Xiang told me that he "sounded" Shereen yesterday when she was insulting me...and then she got angry and slapped him. He then went to spit at her place. Boy, was she humiliated. Basically, she was just jealous...

By the ways, exams are over...So far, Sejarah = 67% BM(Pemahaman) = 80%*sigh*

Can't go to Form2A already.

Today I went to the library...JT came out from his class. I waved to him and he smiled. Ee Lin was with him. So she knows who am I already. Ahhhh....Wern Cheen invited me and a few others to go to Sunway Lagoon on Wednesday for her birthday!Hmm..I am not sure if Daddy will let me go or not.

Got to sleep now. Goodnight. Bye. And I love JT.

All The Dramas

2005-11-02T03:47:00.000+08:00

22nd October 1999

Dear Diary,

Finally, my first Moffatts concert!*Ahhhh!*

It was really cool. I actually cried serious tears when they came out. We (me & Melanie) screamed non-stop until no more voice *croak*.

Dave Moffatt is sooooo cute already...arghhh!!!

Poor Mel, she fell down. She was so humiliated. Anyway, Daniel told me that he asked JT if he saw the message on the LEO board. He said that JT gave a "resounding yes" and said that "It was nice, nice of her." he said that he assumes JT really likes the message alot. Daniel said that he can't confirm to me if JT really likes me...but he promise that he'll help me find out after the exams.

Ne wayz, Christine asked me about JT. I didn't say much.

p/s: Shereen Ng glared at me.

**

All these in between people to get the ball rolling. Those were the days.

--

26th october 1999

Dear Diary,

Exams are OkAyYy!!
Cheng Xiang told me that he has given already. Well, well. He said that if he continues liking me, Shereen and Sherlynvwill wanna 'poison' me. well, so to make a LONG story short, Sherlyn found out about why he dumped her and SLAPPED HIM!!!!

He is now my pet bro.

Today on the way home, Shereen and her friends were saying "Cheng Xiang so damn bad taste." I could not take it so I walked in front of them and pointed my third finger to the back(they were standing at the back). Then one of them said, "Tiu hui peen gah?"(Fuck where one?). So I glared at them to let them it's special delivery.

Hmm..thank god, Nik Natasha and Melanie was standing around so I could moan to them. Nik told me NOT to worry about Shereen. Yeah!!! Vin Yee told me that one of them cursed my whole family in deep shit. *total lamers*

Ne wayz, got back my mail from Daniel. He told me that I'm an absolute delight to email to. *kewl*. He said that he will try and try and work out a way to korek maklumat from JT. Only problem is that I have to wait until after his PMR exams. Nevermind. Sabar only.

Wanna hear a funny story?

JT and Josephine used to like each other and then they found out that they were cousins so they decided to stay good friends. Hmmm..lamestresting.
Got that story from Reece.

Sun Ming told me that LIKE the whole school knows who I am and alot of his friends likes me and think that I'm pretty. WOW!! Ne wayz, tomorrow is my Merdeka already!!!!

**
Wah lau wei, now only I remember my life damn drama back then. For the past half a decade, it has been so........quiet. Ahahaha. But I suppose too much drama also not good right?

Being Coquettish

2005-11-02T03:40:00.000+08:00

21st October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today, I won two tickets to the Moffatts concert!! I'm going with Melanie and I am selling the tickets to another friend whom I had promised to go with. She seems soooooo unsastified. ARGHHH...

Ne wayz, today was Chinese and it was HORRIBLE!!! I think I probably failed. Daddy seems to be okay with the idea that I'm quitting Chinese next year. *yay!*

After recess, I passsed by 2E, wanting to go back to class, Alex Lim pointed at me and shouted at Cheng Xiang, "Lei tiu lui ar!"(your girl..) Haih. I just ran up the stairs.

I didn't see JT!! I miss him!!
Nevermind, tomorrow is another day. Argh...so rush... I hate exams.

Ne wayz, Nite and bye.

p/s: today went on IRC and as usual..Cheng Xiang tried to patch me and Seline up.(no need liao since we're friends again)..Seline told me that she likes Chung Lern.

p/ss: Today on the way home, Cheng Xiang walked in front of me. I couldn't help but smile. then I turned the other way and went home.

How Much A "Hi" Mattered.

2005-11-02T03:25:00.000+08:00

20th october 1999

Dear Diary,

Saw JT today, but he didn't say "Hi!" to me...Nevermind. Argh... i wish that he likes me...he'd faster ask me before Cheng Xiang takes his place!!

On the way home, when i came down the stairs, Cheng Xiang, Chong Yong and their friends were down there. I said Hi to Cheng Xiang and said bye to Chong Yong.

Vin Yee says that she think that Cheng Xiang liking me is true because she saw his friends "signalling" to him. She also said that Seline acted so "shy" when she passed Chong Yong. Huh! Like Chong Yong still likes her. Bitch!! She stare at me like one kind like that. Like she's jealous or something. *sigh*

Well, who cares about her....newayz, today's exam papers weren't THAT hard but tomorrow's will be!!!! Argh....I was creating this stupid quiz about friends and love when Pn. Ong grabbed it and read it(during the last few minutes of our English(1) paper). Luckily she didn't read it out loud or I'll be embarassed!!!!!

Goodnight.

Should I Remain That Diary Girl As An Anonymous Blog?

2005-10-30T15:42:00.000+08:00

After a short hiatus from thatdiarygirl.blogspot.com, I was getting bored and flipping my diary open got a little tedious. But as you can see, I got in the mood again and have over posted.

I opened thatdiarygirl.blogspot.com and maintained it as an anonymous blog because I was inspired by loopymeals.blogspot.com, thehustlerdiaries.blogspot.com, belacans.blogspot.com, papimami.blogspot.com, eyeris.blogspot.com and michaelooi.net who are all anonymous bloggers.(though little can be said about eyeris now,he's slowly emerging to the surface!!;D)

I'm itching to come out in the open about who I am and just link this blog to my other blog. Then maybe those on PPS who read my blog will understand what kind of perasan freak I was when I was a child. I only share this blog in the PPS community and those people who I mentioned in this blog will get too confused(as everything happened at least 6 years ago) and have a lesser chance of stumbling upon this blog.

....

But maybe I should remain anonymous? How leh? ;\ Though I've shared my identity with a few fellow bloggers. Ah....anonymity is so not me. But it's fun, sometimes.

The Boys I Hated

2005-10-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

18th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I said HI to JT :P. He said HI back and smiled. Okay, that's the 4TH time he talked to me. *YAY* Hehe. :P

Ok, now Cheng Xiang. *haih* What if I do like him?
I can't. I got JT and it's enough!!!!

Well today, I quit IRC first so I didn't see his quit message. At school, Cheng Xiang said Hi to Melanie, then I said HI to him, but he's like so shy, quiet...etc. Then somemore, when the bell rang, he passed me but he didn't say anything.

Today, during science class, JOSHUA IS A FREAKING CHILDISH SUCKER!! He thinks he is so "Yau Yeng" with his FAT third finger when he points 'em at people. OK, let me list out the people in my class who SARKKS:

1. Sharman - For Always calling me MOFATTS & JOSHUA. Bloody hell, he teases me with that fatty bombom.

2. JOSHUA - CHILDISH.

3. Hakimi - KEPO!!

4. Hanis - ....just hate him...don't know why..

5. Choong Yang - just as bad as Joshua!!

6. Saravanan - Well not really, but for some reasons back in standard 5..I forgot what was it though.

Welll.....gotta go for now! Bye!!

p/s: I love JT alot!

p/ss: Cheng Xiang...ok..I'm saying this. I think I'm starting to like you too. But I like JT better..I wish I never knew that you like me. But it's so nice having somebody to like you!!

**

Sure it was. All those turmoils.. aahahhahah.

Oh So Modest

2005-10-30T12:24:00.000+08:00

19th October 1999

Dear Diary,

*haih* What is my world coming to....??
Wern Cheen told me that like all of a sudden got so many guys come to look for me. She said, "Wahh...Suddenly only you got so ramai peminat?"

I was like,"Blah, nolah, where got?"

I also passed Cheng Xiang my autograph book today.

Nik Natasha came up to me and said this: "Hi thatdiarygirl. What do you think of Cheng Xiang?"
Me: "Ok, *sigh* you heard?! Well, he's good looking, nice and all...."

Then she blabbed on about all her sources..bla bla...She also told me that many girls think that I am VERY lucky as Cheng Xiang is like the SECOND cutest guy in form2. *haih* Then I asked her if she knows about JT *sigh* and she said, "Yeah....got that from Christine Low..."

Hmm...so y'see, I'm like, "Hey Gurl~ you're popular!" Ugh. Don't remind me.
I asked Nik if she knows about Wan Khim and I said that he is my pet bro. She was like, "Oh! Ok!"

Ok. I gotta go to sleep now. Bye.

p/s: Melanie told me that the two guys from Form2M came to look for me again.
p/ss: I MISS JT!!!

**

It was nice to be complimented......:)

Unintentional Emotional Blackmail

2005-10-30T02:11:00.000+08:00

16th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Okay, I made up my mind. JT it is.

Haihs.. But when I enter IRC today, in Cheng Xiang's quit message, he said, "I wish I've met thatdiarygirl earlier. I've never felt so much love before..."

Awww...Isn't that sweet? You know, on Wednesday, I tripped on the staircase.
Cheng Xiang and his friends saw you know! I am so embarrassed. Ah. Forget it. Gotta study.

---

17th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today, I talked to a girl called ^JoLyNe on the #smsj channel in irc. She told me that she is Cheng Xiang's pet sister. She told me that Cheng Xiang likes me for me and that he is very sad bla...bla... Somemore at the end of the conversation, she said that he want to go and have a smoke. I didn't know that he smokes, I am so disappointed.

In his first IRC quit message, he wrote:

1#: I lurve somebody alot...but the somebody loves my best friend.
2#: Should I forget her? I don't know what my life would be without her..!!
3#: (this is when I asked him if he smokes) I wanna cry..!! She knows something that I don't want her to know!!! I miss her!!
4#: I lurve thatdiarygirl alot..!! and nothing can change that!! I miss her veli much!!!

*haih* When can I tell him to stop wasting his time?
Today Melanie dared me to call JT on his house phone. *haih*
I do wish I have the guts to.

**

Ahh.. after nearly 10 months of starting this blog, we've come to the more interesting bits. Strangely, after this boy, no one has pursued me so much since. Of course, my current beau will be introduced in the later parts of this diary....but the entire process dragged for nearly 4 years. So this Cheng Xiang guy was perhaps one of the more romantic experiences I've had. As mundane as it seems.

Torn In Two

2005-10-30T01:49:00.000+08:00

15th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Argh. I'm torn between two guys. JT and Cheng Xiang. Well today I talked to JT. Chia Yin they all ejek me. Somemore Jeffrey, Yuan Fong and the gang all keep on making noise and Jeffrey kept on congratulating me on being able to have conversations with JT..

JT saw me.

He looked so happy. I asked him if he read the Leo board he was like, "Yup! Thanks!"(smiling). Then Simon Soon and the other form4 prefects came up and teased him. Then Jeffrey came up and shook my hand again. *aih*

Then JT said byebye and I also said Byebye. :) *siggghh*

Haih, now got the Cheng Xiang problem. I feel so bad after learning what he had to say to me. I feel so so bad. I wanna kick myself in the ass. Argh. The rumours were true. He told me. He told me that he liked me ever since he first saw me and that was like wayyyyyyyy back.

And all this time I kept on telling him about how much I like JT. I feel so bad!!
It's like, he is so cute and he deserves other girls. Why me? He say he like me very long already and asked me to ignore him if I want. Well, I won't and I shouldn't!

I feel so bad.. how am I going to turn him down?? Somemore he changed the IRC# chatroom topic to "I miss thatdiarygirl so much...I want to be with her 24 hours a day."

I FEEL SO BAD!!!! What should I do?!! DANIEL!! MELANIE...where are the both of you when I need you the most?

p/s: Two guys from Form2M came to look for me. Wow. What's so good about me?
**

Those were the days when polygamy 'happened' in our young lives. All the "choices" we had to make. Pah, bullshit.

Increasing Popularity

2005-10-30T01:09:00.000+08:00

14th October 1999

Dear Diary,

I went and bought the Moffatt's tickets already. Though we didn't get the RM90 one, we still got the RM60 one. Front row, though.

It was quite a rush becausewe had to go and come back from Pyramid. I didn't feel like going to see JT incase the same thing happen as yesterday. Oh yeah, I did not mention this.

Yesterday(13/10/99)... I waited near where JT would pass by before he takes his bicycle and goes home. He saw me and he pretended to not see me & just whisteled.

Alright then. Today, May Po was like, "You so pretty..so many guys sure like wun.." I mean so out of the blue! I know she meant Cheng Xiang. Chia Yuin quickly shushed her. And today during the last period, I was soooooooooooo embarassed! I was in the middle of the canteen, checking my school bag and minding my own business. I saw Chong Yong and said, "Hi!" lar! I saw Cheng Xiang and said "Hi!" also...and nothing happened.

Then I heard alot of boys asking: "Where's she??! Where's she?!! Who's the 'lenglui'? Who?!"

So damn loud, like scared people cannot hear like that.

I just had to look up and then Alvin Lam was pointing at me. Alvin Lam was one of the school's sportsmen. Very cute.

But he was pointing directly at me, gesturing to the other boys. So obvious. And I am SO embarrassed. SO EMBARRASSED!! Believe me. SHIT... Seline they all know already. I mean we're supposed to be enemies. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What does Cheng Xiang sees in me anyway??

You know me, I look horrible. What does he and can he see in me? I wonder mightily.
Passed by Form2J with Melanie and saw them guys looking at us. Wow. What's happening?

Neways, I wanna sleep. Tomorrow wanna go see JT jaga gate. (prefect duties).

***

Maybe it was because I was growing boobs? Very reasonable. *nods wisely*

The Autograph Entry

2005-07-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

12th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today Melanie gave me back my autograph book and I am so happy. Then three of us went to Jia Yee's house to give her her birthday present. She was so happy and she kissed the big inflatable Garfield.

Oh yeah, this is how the autograph went:

Harlow!

Hmmm..let's see.

You, of course should know me. I really got nothing to say lar. All I can say is that it feels nice to talk to you after like 10 months(LOL). Let me intro myself lar....

Name: C...J....T...@ The King. (Don't call me perasan)
Age: I'm very sensitive about my age (hehehehe)
D.O.B: Long before your time.
Starsign: Okay, I can tell you this. It is a type of a deer hunter.
Address, 27, Jalan....somewhere

Anymore info you wanna know about me you can ask me.

Things you should know about me....
1. I'm the youngest in my family.
2. I like bb(also known as basketball), anything athletic except those which require alot of stamina.
3. I like writing poetry. (But I seem to have lost my touch).
4. I laugh alot. (sometimes for no reason too)
5. I am one heck of a psycho. :)

Well, good luck in everything you do and stay happy all the time. From what I know, happiness can do wonders for you. Hmmm, I've got to go now! I hope to see your 'pretty' face always and to talk to you more often..

CHiows! Byebye!

p/s: I'm one heck of a terrible designer.

No kidding.

Hahahaha.. I wasn't the only juvenile one. Back then I thought being three years older than me is like, wow, such a huge difference etc. But we were all just as young. Scribbling nonsense into each other's autograph books. :)

Anticipating His Scribbles

2005-06-28T04:12:00.000+08:00

11th October 1999

Dear Diary,

I am like SO sick. Melanie came over. She thought I was about to go to school. *hmm* She found me sleeping. Ahhh..I miss JT. I wanna rest now. Bye.

*

11th October 1999

I enjoyed using illustrations to demonstrate how I feel.

Dear Diary

Rested alot today. Melanie called me up and told me that she got my autograph book back already. I was like, "DAMNIT!!"

She told me this: "JT asked, "Have you seen (my real name) around?" I said, "She's sick today.""

She said that he had a worried look on his face. Then he handed her my autograph book and asked her to pass it to me. then they said bye and bla..bla...She said that JT signed two pages long.

Anywayz, I'll copy the entire thing down when I get back my autograph book. *smile and smile and can't stop smiling*. Ne wayz, night. Need my rest, badly. High fever.

p/s: JT is the host hunkadelic guy in da whole world. Err...no. Make dat da whole universe!!

**

I suppose having a flicker of hope during those younger years put some fun into growing up. I'm still growing up, but you know, those were more tumultuous times.

Upon The Pedestal

2005-06-28T04:02:00.000+08:00

10th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I went with Melanie to Assunta's primary school for their Hari Keluarga. It was okay. We saw Ivan at the church. Melanie had a huge crush on Ivan. *We left her brother and cousins at Ivan's church for Sunday school*.

I'm moaning and groaning like crazy man today. I feel so lame about the way I talked to JT. Having him sign my autograph book is like treating him like a popstar. *shit* But he sounds okay about it though. Oh well, Chia Yin asked Daniel who JT likes and he said that JT likes two girls from school.

Meaning me and Josephine. (Uhhh!!!)

Ne wayz, I'm gonna doze off now. I feel lame, confused, happy, tired, worried.....ahhhh..this is too much! *night*

**
I suppose his ego was so bloody inflated because a little girl stuck her autograph book into his hands. I know he was. He is still looking for ways to inflate his ego.

Getting To Know Him

2005-06-28T03:48:00.000+08:00

9th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the library to "learn" to use the comp. It is part of my librarian training.

Then I came home and JT was online. Damn. He hasn't read the Leo's message board and he thought I passed him the autograph book to write something in it then later paste on the Lro board. *shit!* Ne wayz, he was extra friendly. Really.

His favourite band is BSB. He has 10 hamsters and a dog. He also plays he guitar and the piano(grade 6). See? He really is extra friendly. Or else how would I have gotten all this information from him??

I asked him if he has got any good sites then he sent me the BSB's official page and I was like, "oh well, I've been here a few million times but what the heck I'll just go...". Then he was like, "err...what about http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Pier/6506?" I didn't know he would spend so much time at my personal homepage. He signed my guestbook and made it under private mode.

Beside that, he sent me this pic of a guy who pierced his WHOLE body and he's or rather IT'S dick has like 20 studs. *EW*. I've never felt so grossed out in my entire life. I didn't eat much today after that.

Oh Yah. Yuan Fong told me that he was the one who shouted, "LAME ASS!!" at JT while he was talking to me. Actually JT didn't need any coaching to come talk to me, he actually even asked the head prefect if he could come and talk to me!! Wow! Ask permission somemore. He came up with sukarela. Wow.

Ok. gottago. Night.

**
Yeah, don't bother trying out the website. It's lost in the vastness of cyberspace. All my sappy juvenile poems, hehe, wish I saved all of them and put it up here as well. But I think I have a book with JT-inspired poems. Hold on, I'll go check.

The First Real Conversation

2005-05-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

8th October 1999

Dear Diary,

This should be in the headlines of all newspapers in the whole wide world.

JT & *my real name* FINALLY HAD A CONVERSATION!!!

No kidding!! :)

See, I went to school today for librarian duty as usual.. Melanie said that if I came earlier I would've seen JT. That's because he's taking care of the school gates today and he came to the library to send the newspapers. Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Melanie said that he was looking around to see if I'm around.

Well, that's pretty flattering but not the best thing that had happened to me! :)

See, I pestured all the librarians to go down during the form three recess. Melanie grabbed my autograph book "incase" we see JT. We walked past the canteen and I saw JT inside. I think he glanced at me. Melanie saw Aaron and asked him to call JT to come talk to me.

I was about to run away.

But Chia Yin and the rest managed to make me stay. Melanie told me I had some eyedirt in my eye. Thank God or else I would have died of embarassment.

Aaron finally managed to call JT over. He stood in front of Chia Yin and Melanie and he said to them, "Hi....huhhuhhe.." he looked nervous. I just stood there.

Man! I was hysterical! LOL. So was he.

Then Chia Yin asked him, "You chicken ar you?" Then he held out his name tag and said, "Yar wat! *his surname* Chi Ken,". I just smiled.

Then he said to me, "So.. always talked to you online only lar..".. I was SO shy. I just went, "Er..yar." and then he stuck out his hand and luckily I had the nerve to shake it.

He kept giggling nervously. Then Melanie gave him my autograph book and asked him to sign it. She even offered him my whole colour pens collection(I have them in this huge pencil case that I bring around) to choose from. He chose this one: *see image*

Melanie and the rest walked away and I was all alone. Just in front of him. He was signing it and when he was done he gave me back my book and thanked me and returned the pen. I smiled sweetly at him.

And then I took off.

Melanie and the rest caught up with me and I just mumbled, "Fuck you fuck you fuck you" to Melanie.. Hehehe.. then when we were out of the school compound I said, "Thank you thank you thank you thank you...~~!!" :D

Hehehehe. I was SO in love with that colour pen that he held for the rest of the day. And he shook my hand. OMIGOD! :O

Later, when the morning session ended, I went up to him(With Melanie's help of course) and I asked him to write in the autograph book. Like a real entry. He wasn't so cute as the first time we talked but he's still JT! Darling ol' JT.

Later, I told the whole world.

I went home and went online and Yuan Fong told me that he knows I talked to JT and he also read the note on the Leo board. He said that it was Veng Yau who told him about it.

Ne wayz, News!!

1. Chia Yin and Brahim have coupled (I give them a month!)

2. Rohaida is jealous. She called me up to korek maklumat.

3. Daniel and Sin Yee. Hmmmm. Sin Yee has this really stern expression. She passed him a note last Friday. Joel was shocked to know that I know it too. I'm so bad.. but it's kinda cute seeing Daniel turn her down. Hahaha. Well, it is the first time I've seen him in these kind of situations. He might need my advice in return someday.

Ne wayz, Gotta go.

p/s: My conversation happened around 10.20am-10.30am.

It was like having my very own Backstreet Boy in my school compounds. I wish I could dig a hole for my 12 year old self to crawl into.

Blew Another Chance

2005-05-24T21:26:00.000+08:00

6th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I went to school and Vin Yee and I put our bags at the usual place.(in front of 4D). I was standing at the corner when Melanie rushed up to me and said, "LOOK WHO'S INSIDE!!!"... without looking, I knew who it was. I then blushed and walked to the Leo board.

My message was there already. Melanie and Vin Yee said that JT kept looking out from the class and he was in an incredibly good mood. Always smiling.

Melanie said he probably read the message.

They forced me to talk to him... but I just passed the class that he was doing his duty at and dived for my bag. My bag was situated just beneath the windows of that class. I wondr if he saw me! Then Jia Yee called out to JT and pointed at me. She said JT was smiling.

Anyways, good night and I love JT. :p

***
Ah. Blissful oblivious times those were. Pull pull push push pull pull push push.

Plotting Skills

2005-05-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

5th October 1999

Dear Diary,

Hmmm..the Leo has this 'Wish You good Luck' message on the board thing for the upcoming exams service going on. And guess what? No, I didn't get a message from JT but I sent him this one!! This is how it went:

"Dear JT,

All the best for your upcoming PMR exams and study hard. And Luv ya!!

*heart shape*, (my real name)

The good point about writing this message:
1. He'll probably like me more and send me a message too.
2. The whole world will know about it.
3. Josephine shall read and shall die(of hysteric) *hehe*

The bad point:
1. He'll probably think I'm too much.
2. Aunty V(my neighbour who's a teacher in school) might read it.
3. It'll probably ruin his relationship with Josephine. (IF they have on. And to ruin it, that's what I want!)

I went with Melinda to order it.

p/s: Oops..forgot something. Saw JT yesterday and the expression on his face when he saw me was blank. Maya tells me JT has a girlfriend in this other school who's also in form1. HAHA. Dhivi tells me that she saw this written on one of the tables in JT's class: "JT Loves Sandy". (hahaha..errr..)

Obsessed = Stupidity

2005-05-02T01:20:00.000+08:00

29th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Confirmed that JT does like me. *cheers for that*. Confirmed that JT isn't cousins with Josephine. *boo!* Also, confirmed that JT ALSO likes Josephine. *feel like crying*

I got all these from Daniel. Chuah Xiong told me that he heard that Jacinta, my librarian friend, likes JT. Argh. Oh yeah, I saw JT's class pic. He is quite tall for a form three. Man, he looks.....weird. :) Still, as I said, he sets in my heart in a special place.

I am so stupid. I think it's true that love makes you stupid. I just picked a girl with the surname '*JT's surname*' in form4, 1995 and asked Vin Yee if she believes that if it's JT's sister. Turns out that the girl I pointed was her own sister's friend. *I'm damn stupid*

**

1st October 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the library. Melanie was there. Then after duty... we went to the phone booth. Oh yeah, she coupled with that Jason Lim guy already. Ne wayz, I called JT. *AAAh!!* I heard his voice!! I did! I did! It's like SO deep. Ohmigod. It is! It is! It's so kewl. Oh god.

OH yah. I saw Wan Khew and I'm gonna meet him on Monday with Jack and Kuan Ann. Melanie and me, we were doing a quiz about friendship and she was like, "You're my best friend right?" and I was like, "Yeah!". It's so meaningful.

Ne wayz, during chinese class, I asked Anne about JT and she said that he told her cousin that, "Got one girl like me! Got one girl like me!" Joel Tan thinks that it's a good sign and I'm like WHatever. Saw Daniel's house today. Oh yeah, Jacinta USED to like Daniel. *ugh, that girl*.

Seline's coming tomorrow. Ne wayz, I'm really tired. Good night.

p/s: Chee Hin said Hi to me today.
p/ss: Chong Wei said Hi to me today.
p/sss: Saw who's Aidan's brother, Adrian today.
p/ssss: Smiled at Chuan Lee. He wanted to couple with WC but sapai. So I gave him some advice...bla..bal..he said I'm so understanding that he wanna cry. *LOL* I helped him create an english name. At first it was lee. *LOL*. Lee Lee Chuan Lee. Then he changed his "english name" to Jim Lee Chuan Lee. *LOL* Funny person. Bye!

**
Wow. It's been a week since I last updated. Yeah, as you can see, I was this tiny teeny bopper, so desperate for bits of news on the guy I liked. Tsk, tsk. Stupidity consumes a lovelorn soul. Bleh.

Some Non-Volatile Friendships

2005-04-24T00:51:00.000+08:00

25th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Wan Khei didn't tell me that I was pretty. It was Sun Ming. Alot of Wan Khei friends were at his house that night. I don't think I know what's up but who cares.

Ne wayz, the club gardening session was today. :(. JT didn't come. Me and Melanie wanted to go and talk to Shahir about JT but he was busy playing volleyball so we didn't disturb him. The gardening session was quite boring. Nothing much to write about it.

After that, Melanie and I walked to the petrol session to buy my proyo. We then went back to school to lepak around the garden.

Su Dein was there all alone by the phone booth. So I asked Melanie to ask her to come over. After awhile, Seline came and I turned around. I was standing face to face with her so we had to smile. We talked for awhile. Hmm?? We talked about the hamsters... I invited her over to see the hamsters. Guess what?? She DID come. Hmm. I can't hate her. Hmmm!! At least we talked.

She even asked if I would like to go see "The Haunting". So I'm going to see it with her next Saturday. And what's worse? Daddy just said that TOMORROW we're going to see "The Haunting". Just came back from Zino Pub in Bangsar which Daddy co-owns. Smelly place. Dad said Hi to a gay fella. Hahahaha. Anyway, tomorrow is my primary school's Hari Kantin.

I'm such a hypocrite. I said that I hate Seline and now?? Or it isn't what I'm thinking? I don't know and I don't care.

**

28th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Hmmm..I was just thinking, what if JT isn't the way I thought he would be? What if he turns out to be the complete opposite? Argh.....

Melanie called me just now. Talk for awhile as usual. She told me that her classmate, Anne's cousin Yilin who is in JT's class writes letter to Anne. Alot. In one of the letters, Yilin said that "JT SUcks!!" and she also mentioned about me liking JT. I pestured her to go pesture Anne to find out more. Hm. JT also asked my cousin Jo who added him on ICQ if she was my friend. I asked her to tell him the truth, only AFTER asking him why he asked that. Hm. Hm.

Dhivin told me that JT got a new haircut like Yassar's.(This guy who's in my class who has a bad hair cut). But she said she wasn't sure. Argh..hope it's not like the style which made me stop liking him that one time ago. Fuhgedabooutit. I'll love him. *sigh*

Ne wayz, yesterday, Jean told me that Wan Khei and his friends are always talking about me. Oh, yeah right. She said, "Wah, alot of people knows you." I was like, "huh?". She said they always teased Wan Khei and me(???). Duh! Nevermind. Today when I passed them at the school gates, they were well, kinda noisy.

That Melanie.. another guy Jason Lim, asked her to be his girlfriend. But the guy is like...ewww..:).... Vin Yee said that I'm a good poetry writer. hehe. Whatever. But she is really good too.

Ne wayz, Night.

**

won't be giving any commentaries tonight though. Got some work to do and am quite tired. Sorry!

Of Goods And Bads

2005-04-20T17:43:00.000+08:00

24th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Ahhhh!! Ahhh!! My life! Ahh!! Ahhhhh!! Damn chun!!! Ahhh Ahhh!!! Damn sial too!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Three things that happened to me today:

1. JT and Shahir

2. Gangsters

3. Wan Khei and friends

Problem or whatever you call it number 1:

Today, during my librariaan break, I came down the stairs and saw JT talking to Shahir. JT looked at me from the corner of his eye. He then continued talking to Shahir. Then Melanie, Chia Yin and the rest all blamed me for not going the same way as JT. (he walked off in another direction). *DAMN*.

Then Shahir called Melanie and Chia Yin to go and talk to him. They came back and told me that JT told Shahir that he is interested in me and would like to get to know me a little better. More than before. He also told Shahir that I once told him that I like him. As in liking JT, not Shahir.

I told this to Daniel. He said if it's true, then he is really happy for me. He also questioned the fact that Shahir and JT could have pakat-ed to tell me that.

But for what? I mean why would he go through all that trouble if he doesn't like me?

Ne wayz, tomorrow I'll tell you more about it.

Ok, Problem 2#:

The gangsters in school.

I think Seline mengada-ed to them that I'm so miang bla..bla....

Then one of them used Jin Yung's ICQ account to call me a sucker and scolded me bla..bla...then he said, "Kidding only...". He said that he was Kwa Yong. One of the guys who was with Nick Chia who said he wanted to vomit when he saw me. He said, "Seriously, I think you're not very pretty. Such a bitch,". Then he scolded somemore bad words and then later revealed himself to be Daniel Low. Notorious gangster that one. Huh! he said I watch out and he treatened to whack me up.

Problem (I'm not sure if is one..) 3#:

Wan Khei came online and said, "I think you are pretty!" I was like, "Nah, no way." Then he said he never knew when to say that ..bla.bla....OOohh.. Finally he says it! Then he told me one prefect friend of his also likes me.

Ahhh.. okay. And then I said, "Who will like me?!!" Then he said, "Who won't like you? You're so pretty!" Then I said, "Er....Okay..".

Ne wayz, night-night.

Oh wait.

~end of problems~

p/s: Melanie asked Shahir about JT and Josephine liking each other and he said no such thing. Nevermind, tomorrow there is a gardening session with the club. Hope he's there.

Ne wayz, night. Bye.

Phewww..aren't we blowing hot and cold here? Insults AND compliments all in one night. S'strange.

Who's The Third Party?

2005-04-20T17:04:00.000+08:00

2nd September 1999

Dear Diary,

Remember my resolution? Talk to him? I saw JT today. He saw me I think. After that, I saw Reece and she came up to me and said, "JT sent you a rose? How sweet!" Then I told her everything and she said that JOSEPHINE IS JT'S COUSIN!!

What do I think now??

Should I believe it??

I can't because of Josephine's confession to Chia Yin that she likes JT. JT's "Don't know" reply to everything I ask him. The online voting booths. The roses. The rumours.

Maybe they made the cousin thing up so nobody will say anything when they see them together.

Oh yeah, I asked Jo for advice. She told me that a single rose means friendship and three roses means "I love you". I got Daniel to help me ask JT about "this cousin thing".

Ne wayz, Wan Khei is like so desperate. He asked me to introduce some lengluis to him. But he is so leng chai should be able to pikat some girls himself.

Night.

It was a shocker to me then. Something like out of a tv show to me then. I'm feeling shocked all over again after I read that page. Hahaha.

A Tad Bit Of Attention

2005-04-20T02:33:00.000+08:00

18th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Today was our school's gotong-royong day. I went to class to help out and got patches of paint on my track pants. I passed by 2J and the class went, "Wan Khei, Wan Khei, *whooo*" Oh God. It can't be true can it?

He said "Hi" to me shyly though. I helped teacher to change the water and she said, "clever girl". Right in front of Farah and Melinda. So all I did was roll my eyes. Or not.

I went to our sister club's installation day with Jean, Melanie, Chia Yin and Sheannee. The installation was quite boring but it was okay. Our president helped to fix my jammed up yo-yo. JT didn't come to school today. Bye.

p/s: I still can't believe the Wan Khei thing.

21st September 1999

Dear Diary,

Today Jack asked me to be his pet sister. I went downstairs to buy "buku nota" and on the way back I passed by 2J. They were very quiet(most probably studying). Then I heard many coughs. *Akk*. Ne wayz, when I went into school from the back gate yesterday, Wan Khei's friend kept on saying, "Wan Khei...........".

I've decided what I'm gonna do. The next time I see JT, I'm gonna open my mouth.(No! Not like a gold fish!) I'm actually gonna talk okay? I wish! Hahaa. Ahhh..I'll be praying for my guts. Ok. Gotta go turn in. It is 1.15am. Night!

p/s: My drum teacher said that he likes my Tweety Bird shirt. (???)

It was fun getting abit of attention. Every now and then one needs an ego boost, no?

That First Rose

2005-04-17T14:32:00.000+08:00

17th September 1999

Dear Diary,

You will never believe what happened to me today. I might be happy and I may not be either. At times, life sucks. At times it doens't. Today when I went to school for the morning, the form threes were having an assembly before their trials. I saw JT. Looks like he dunked his head into a pot of gel. *sticky*. I then waited for awhile until Chia Yin came and then we went to help out with the Interact roses and dedications thing.

I got the shock of my life when I read that JT sent three roses to form2 prefect called Josephine. I just held on to the list. I froze on the spot. I was about to put it down and cry. I've come across one of those online voting booths whereby JT and Josephine were voted as a best potential couple.

I took a deep breath and I picked the order form up. My eyes travelled to the lower part of the order form:

He gave me a single rose with the message, "Hiye!! Talk lar....*sigh*". It cost him RM2.00.

Though he gave her more, it's the thought that counts anyway. *sigh*. I have to admit I'd like to get rid of Josephine. But I guess I'll just let JT decide for himself. Which one would he choose? Though it might break my heart, but as long as it is the truth..

And guess what?!?! The rose never arrived!! The tag somehow got lost and it was my first ever rose......:( *sigh*. In the room where we prepared the roses, Daniel showed Weng Keat JT's rose order to Josephine quietly because I was standing in front of them. It was nice of them to be sensitive. But I knew what they were talking about.

Daniel told me that most probably he's two timing. Assesing each of us. Waiting for us to make the first move. I don't want to share a guy. I want him all to myself. But if I can't help it, then I can't help it. But he is after Josephine. How do I know?!

LOOK WHO GOT THE 5 BUCKS ROSES?!!

I don't care. If I see him, I'm going to actually talk to him. *Well, I WILL try.* I just talked to Lim Chia Hon. A Form2 prefect in my school. He told me that a bunch of his friends are always talking about me. I'm not completely believing that. He said his friend, Wan Kheng wants to 'pikat' me wor.......*LOL*

Funny........

He said there are alot more also... ah.. but I don't believe.

Melanie is heartbroken because Ivan sent 11 roses to Emily, a girl in form3. Well, Ivan IS in form5 after all. Still. Poor girl. :(

I gotta go to sleep now.

Bye.

It's quite pathetic how we have not spoken to each other in real life. This goes on for a very long while.

Famous For Adoring

2005-04-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

13th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of school and as usual....it's normal. The only thing wrong is that Seline keeps glaring at me. The Interact flower delivery service thing came around to my class and I wanted to order a rose for JT. Vin Yee told me not to do it because it would seem pretty cheap. But if I do, I'd be proving my admiration is true. *sigh*. Ne wayz, Good night.

15th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Today is not bad at all. I walked into school for morning duty at the library and Melanie came up and told me that Boon Seng told her that he knows that I like JT. So does the ENTIRE form3. Well, practically. Ex-friends don't like it when I have company. Seline STILL glares at me. Bitch.

I passed by 1D and saw this guy called Aidan. Melanie calls him a gay rabbit. He looked out the window and I just rolled my eyes and blew my hair out of my face. He is so annoying, especially online.

I've met Christine Low already. Thanks to the roses and dedication thing. She's in charge of it. We've been talking alot online. Oh yah! Boon Seng said that Daniel was the one who told him about JT. Argh.

Ne wayz, I wanna wake up early to go to school tomorrow so that I can see JT when he is on prefect duty. Chia Yin asked me to come and help distribute the roses on Friday. *sigh*.

If JT gets a rose, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna take the rose up to him and say sadly, "You've.....got....an.....an......admirer. Sniff." LOL. Good show.

Nite.

I get this bad habit of going up to almost any senior who would talk to me and asked them if they knew JT. If they said they knew who he was, and almost everyone did, I'd tell them about how much I was in love with him. WHY?

A Distance Is Enough

2005-04-16T01:37:00.000+08:00

2nd September 1999

Dear Diary,

We got our class photo today! Ne wayz, today in the library, I wanted to go get a drink and Melanie asked me to go with her to our bags. Then, we saw JT. I mean "AI!!!!' saw JT. He looked for a while, then we held the eye to eye thingie for a while and he continued talking to his teacher as I ducked back down to my bag. Then Melanie asked, "Did you see him?" I said, "Of course!!".

Then as usual, after the morning session ended, I stood in the corridor and looked at his class, 3E. :). Then he comes out and with a big relief for me, he comes out with a boy. ;)

Ne wayz, I asked the whole class to sign my class picture. Seline, Melinda and Aleya sked me too....because I asked them first.(I think). Seline held it out to me and gave a shy smile. Melinda said, "Sign.". Aleya just slid it over. Vin Yee smiled to Nurdin whereelse I just ignored her.

During recess, Choon Gin came up to me and Vin Yee. At first he just held the Ice Mony with his mouth in front of Vin Yee and moved it up and down, in a flapping motion so that bits of ice can sprinkle on Vin Yee. I ignored that completely.

Then he tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Why is Seline angry at me?" I answered, "I don't know and I don't care." Then he walked off with Nelson. Then when they were out of earshot I asked Vin Yee, "WHY ASK ME?! WHY ASK ME?! Why ask me?" She just smiled. Then Choon Gin came back and said, "Why don't go sit with her?" then I replied, "Coz I don't want." and he walked off again. Dumb!

Ne wayz, that's all I have to say today. Bye.

5th September 1999

Dear Diary,

Just got back from Malacca. I also found out that Daniel is the only child. JT's hometown is in Taiping and has an elder sister whose 19 this year. For once, I could actually chat long with JT without actually saying, "Hey I like you!". I found out that he doesn't go out with his friends, only with his parents.

12th September 1999

Dear Diary,

One half depressing, half enjoyable term holiday has gone by. Not many things happened. Only a few. But they're totally worth it to write down. Ok, JT CHECKED OUT MY NEW HOMEPAGE AND HE SAID "I wonder if you can do a webpage on me?" and I was like, "Sure.". But he didn't tell me what did he wanted it to be about. Nevermind. Some other time.

Secondly, I made myself a real cool homepage at GEocities. It's got its own midis! *whoa* Ne wayz, Jo now likes Shawn. *sigh* That girl will never change. Yesterday, I went to Sunway. Guess who did I go with? I went with Melanie, Chia Yin, Ivan and Chia Yin's friend, Nikki. We had quite ok fun there. Went to Segacity and took this photo sticker. =)

Ah. Pixelating is far nicer than smudging. Will pixelate names next time instead of smudging.

Besides that, my hamster Phoebe gave birth to four babies(which I believe belongs to Ricky(Grandma's hamster)). One got eaten up because I touched it. :(

Ok, sad thing now:

Aleya and Melinda invited me into a chatroom and then Aleya and Melinda were talking about something among themselves. Then Aleya asked, "So, during the holiday, has anyone got a bf?". Then Melinda answered, "Nope. Only friends. FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. " She was trying to hint something there, wasn't she? Then I wrote, "What do I have to say?". Then they gave each other virtual high fives. The way Melinda was telling Aleya about how good she was acting as she had to leave. I think even those people with a real bad cold could smell that fishy smell. Argh. Why can't they just forget it? Drop it. Everything is over right? I hope.

Nite. Bye and I love JT alot. Please send a mental message to him(if you can). *wink* Haha.

Everyone around me was just as childish.

Fragile Friendships

2005-04-15T22:59:00.000+08:00

25th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Today was my school's Jumble Sale day. It was pretty cool you know. I'll tell you about it later. Now, another problem, Seline went and told JT that she was a girl in form1 and called herself Katherine. He asked her how did he know who he was and Seline said that her cousin's friend "Michelle" always talks about him. I don't know why she put in the effort to create such stories. I wanna tell him the truth now but I am scared he thinks that I lied to him. I'm also scared that if I just let it be, I won't get a chance and he'll try to find out more about "her".

Ne wayz, back to the jumble sale. I brought my posters and beads. Our class made RM292. Chun leh? Today, Jonathan called me to go with him as he said Jack wanted to ask me something. Jack asked me if Amanda really likes him. I went, "yeah.....". Andy and Timothy were by his side. I told Amanda about it and she agreed to couple with him. It's difficult to get them to hang out together though. *haih*. Now I'm the cupid. ;)

Knowing me, I'd spread the word out and everybody would say, "That fat-fat Jack and that...that...Amanda?! Noway!"

Anyway, before the jumble sale started, alot of us fought for our rights to jaga the stall. At the end, about a quarter of the class were there to man the stall. Wa Lau. Damn crowded.

Ne wayz, ciaoz, bye!

p/s: Choon Gin made Jia Yee cry for blaming her for telling Seline(whom he likes ALOT) that he smokes. Actually Su Dein is the one who told her that he smokes but put the blame on Jia Yee. This thing was like 2 months ago and me and Vin Yee were discussed this on the way home.

Smoking was a BIG deal at that age. If you smoke, you're evil~! Somewhere along the years I grew to understand that it's just a matter of choice. It doesn't mean you're a gangster just because you smoke.

26th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, something terrible happened to me. My FRIENDS!!! My FRIENDS aka Fazah, Melinda, Seline, Su Dein, Nurdin, Aini, Aleya and Saleena just told me straight that they didn't like me. At first on Tuesday, Choon Gin scolded Jia Yee for telling Seline that he smokes. Then whoever who told Choon Gin was Su Dein. That was what Vin Yee told me. She then asked Su Dein why she said that then Su Dein said, "Of course lah! Or not say me ar?"

But knowing Su Dein, that's one of her favourite phrases. So I misunderstood and told Fazah that MAYBE Su Dein is scared that Choon Gin will whack her up. Then she told Su Dein THAT and she went ballastic and got VERY mad. Very, very mad at me.

Well, here's the horrifying part. My friends(ed) started to dislike me a long time ago. They say that I am sarcastic and am always calling them lame. They sent me a letter. Fazah gave me back the RM10 that she owed me. I don't care. In the letter, they said that they had chose the wrong friend and EVERYONE signed it. *sniff* It really hurts. Why didn't they do things gradually? They should've given me really obvious signs so that I know what's happening and am able to settle for a new bunch of friends. Right?

Instead, I am left sulking all alone.....ALONE on one big table at the back of the class. Thanks to Vin Yee, at least I have someone to talk to. I know my problem. It's because I'm a loud mouth. Jack hate me for that.(I told you I'd tell the whole world about him coupling with Amanda).

I cried the whole day yesterday and three times toady. Pn. Norhan noticed how sad I was and she came up and talked to me. she said if I need to talk she'll be there. Then she walked away. It was all I could do to fight back the tears.

Friends. Never get too close and be yourself. NEVER EVER BE YOURSELF> I ignored them the whole day and so did they. I have a strong feeling that many people will side them. All I know is that I shouldn't tell others' secrets.

Bye for now. I am sad and depressed.

p/s: I have never felt so sad in my entire life.

Just one of those more trying times back in school.

More Hide And Seek, Please.

2005-04-15T19:41:00.000+08:00

21st August 1999

Dear Diary,

Today was the Leo's club installation day and it definitely fits to be diary material. Well, it started off with the arrival of guests. I went with Melinda and it was quite okay. There were performances and sketches which were so cool! The installation for the incoming and outgoing board of directors was so sad. The outgoing took their jackets off and placed it on the incoming board of directors. What a touching thing to do!

Well, as usual, we have JT in our story again. Today he stood in front of me during the short break. He was waiting for me to say "hi" again. He was looking at me. Everytime I looked back, he was there. Well, when I went home, he was gonna go off. But I stood at the college's(the club rented a hall at the college) first staircase and he didn't budge. Unfortunately, I had to go to the toilet with Melinda and when I looked over the railings I saw him leave.

Now I am not sure if he likes me.

I vaguely remember the "i need to talk to him i need to talk to him" pent up feeling I had everytimeI saw him. Pathetically, it was only limited to online conversations for a long time.

23rd August 1999

Dear Diary,

Today and FINALLY today, JT came online. He doesn't know what does pet sister and pet brother means. *HAIH* And I've learnt that he was from Damansara -->Melaka -->Sabah--> and then back here. He was born in SJMC. WOW. ne wayz, I asked him if he thought I was a chicken and he said "Yeah!". He then offered to do the approaching next time. But then I told him, we'll see who'll go first. Sigh. I am such a chicken.

Pet sister, pet brother, pet donkey, pet chicken, the whole world was petting each other back in those days. If you can't be my boyfriend, GREAT, be my pet brother. Unfortunately, this embarassing trend did not die off after my time. I have a relative who has so many pet brothers and pet sisters that I lost count.

There You See It, There You Don't!

2005-04-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

13th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I worked full time at the library and JT was there. He sat right behind me.

excuse the ugly drawing. This is to indicate the position that he was sitting at. Is it clear?

Since he couldn't really see me, he sat like, over here.

Here are some indications.

I looked at him and I saw him smile. Melanie told me that he was sneaking glances at me. I was too. (duh). Well, he definitely was waiting for me to say something. (he said that when I was online). He was like peeking and peeking. *YAY*.

Now, now, Daniel Cheng knows who am I already. Daniel Cheng is in the same form as JT. So he was in the morning session also. Melanie and I were fighting over my library card in the library and I tripped and fell in front of Daniel. He now obviously knows who I am. E-M-B-A-R-A-S-S-I-N-G!!! Ne wayz, Daniel told me not to believe everything JT says too much.

JT sent me the "I'll Never Break Your Heart" midi file. I got the lyrics right here!! I think he's telling me that I should get to know him a little bit more. I mean, that's what the lyrics says. That should be what he wants to say, right? Argh Shit. I even messaged him online about it. I LOVE HIM MAN!!! And he was like waiting for me to make the first move. Suckz.

But ne wayz, he said he really was waiting. And then I asked him that if he will reply my feelings for him and he went "Sure! Maybe!".

Ne wayz, it was beautiful.

Goodnight.

Years later whenever I hear the introduction to I'll Never Break Your Heart, the song represents something I used to think about so much. I don't know why I keep over analyzing things back then.

15th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I found all my old school photos. Cool huh?

Ne wayz, when I was in the supermarket today, somebody called me at home. When I came back, Dad teased me about having a boyfriend. (How koloted.). THen he said the guy was about 15-14 years old. And I was like OMIGOSH HOW IF IT IS JT?!! Wow. That really shocked me you know. But then again, it could be anybody right?

Ne wayz, ciaoz again.

You're looking at the days sans handphone. Times were bad.

19th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Let me spell it out: I A-M I-N L-O-V-E! AHHHHHH!!! Today I worked full time at the library again. But JT wasn't there. *sob* And know what? Melanie likes Ivan now........sigh.....that girl.....

But Ivan told me that he won't accept her for some reasons. Ok now back to me. I was eating spaggheti with Mealnie in the canteen. We were making quite a mess, what with spaggheti and all. At that very moment, JT PASSED BY!!! ARGHHHhH!! How humiliating. :). Then he was like smiling and smirking. So cute!!

During the third last period, Aleya spotted JT outside my class. He was wearing a cap and he WAS LOOKING INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS!!! Ahhh!!! And then he saw me looking and he saw me. Then he passed by my class again and looked in. AHHH!!! And then we all went to see the prefect's dance practice and JT was there with Boon Sin playing Darth Maul. It was a sketch for an event. Then when we wanted to go back to class, Melinda made me stop. Then JT looked. I hit Melinda on the arm and he looked in my direction again and I saw him looking. :)

Sigh. Ne way, goodnight and bye.

p/s: JT sat on top of the prefect's monument and some of them had to pull him down.

p/ss: the person who called the other day was none other than sucker Khua who was my cousin Jo's exboyfriend.

I suppose it's only normal for a young girl to use the word love so loosely. These days, I find it so difficult to utter those words. I'm still waiting for the right time. :) But we'll get to that at the end of my diary. I'll tell you all about it. :)

Melodramatic

2005-04-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

7th August 1999

Dear Diary,

I don't know what kind of position I'm in. Help!! I'm confused. I talked to Jo and she couldn't help me. ;( So how? ;(

Well, Daniel won't want to help me too. I just feel like I'm getting my answer next week and it's so.....ugh....I don't know......mendebarkan?* This is my life. The terrible one.

Melanie told me that she might be liking Jason and Weng Keat and I was like, "Wha....?". I told her that I liked Weng Keat too and she was angry. Then I just asked her to have him if she wanted him.

Melanie said that if JT asked me for my phone number it is a good sign. She said it's good for me and all. I don't understand. I am very confused. Agh. If only I know what I'm in. I can't even turn to my best friend and cousin for help. Sob.

Ne way, hamsters had sex today with my grandmother's batch. Bye.

Beats me! I have no idea what I was being so messed up about. No prizes for guessing that it had something to do with JT.

10th August 1999

Dear Diary,

One long JT-ey weekend passed by. Ne wayz, I've finally seeked for the right help: Shakespearian Daniel Cheng. After all that he has told me, I got to know more about JT and realizes that I didn't know JT THAT WELL!! So....these are the keywords that Daniel told me about JT : Annoying, irritating, eccentric, dilligent, hardworking, loyal, complexed, kind, caring and friendly. Ne ways, I saw JT all the time during recess this entire week. Sigh.

To retrieve bits of information about the person you really like is very rewarding. Simple descriptions like these can make my day and keep me awake at night thinking about the meaning behind his doings.

Butterflies In My Tummy

2005-04-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

6 August 1999

Dear Diary,

JT....I saw him twice today. Today on the way home my shoe lace was untied and Seline, Su Dein and Vin Yee kept stepping on it 'accidentally'. Argh. And Yassar hired a spy to see where I lived. How dumb right?

Ok, now back to JT, my stomach goes 'flop' when I think of him. That's how I felt about Bart before. 'Flop'. Oh no. There it goes again.

It was like this, he invited me into the 'Explorer Microsoft Chat' and we chatted in #littlestar. At first he was being irritating using words like 'Do I make you horny, baby?" and "Kiss me on the cheek," Which I said, "Yeah!" and he went, "Errrrrrr....". After that, we went into a whisper box. It is sort of like a private im thing. Over there, I called him cutie and he called me sweetie.

I never thought about JERK ASS Benjamin this way. This means that I really am in love. I can't believe I had the following conversation with him.

Me: I really like you, don't you know?

Him: nah, you're just kidding me right?

Me: What am I suppose to do to make you believe that I love you?

Him: Oh ok.

Me: You have nothing to say to that?

Him: Nothing.

me: I have something I wanna asked you.

He asked what was it and pestured me again and again and again and I said that it is humiliating and he said that I don't have to feel embarass around him.

Him: You want to sleep with me izzit?

I was shocked.

Me: YUCKS, NO, no way!!

Then he laughed. The question I wanted to ask was that if he would be my boyfriend which i didn't ask for goodness sake. I finally found a way to say it. I asked, "Will you reply my feelings for you?" He said, "I will decide when I talk to you in person,".

We traded phone numbers. His is 734####..(in case I forget). Well, I told Daniel Cheng @ Mr. Weird about this and at first he said I was brave, bla bla.. then I told him that it was JT and he told me that I am silly and had made a very sad mistake and now my head and my stomach is going round and round and round. Well, I'm going online tomorrow to find out more.

Hua Win said I looked better with my hair tied up and I was like, "thanks."

Anyway, got to ciao first. Tata. Bye.

Can you already deduce from the conversation that this JT dude was quite a no hope from the start?

The First Book Review

2005-04-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

5th August 1999

Dear Diary,

"This Is Me Speaking" by Josephine Poole has been really touching. I know I'm being lame but it just grabbed hold of my heart and squeezes every ounce of emotions out of it. That book was about a 15 year old girl named elizabeth Russell who was raped at a party and didn't tell her parents about it nd saw the docor herself.

When she told her mother about it, her mother just scolded her and was upset. Soon her dad knew about it too and he was furious. She then left home and went somewhere in the city where she met a lady with two kids and the lady took her in as a nanny and was kind in the first and was horrible at the end.

After that, she worked in a restaurant and lived with her friend Jelly and Archie. In ten weeks time, the baby was due.

Soon it was time and she had been sending mental messages to her mother. She then gave birth to Archer Russel. Archie had wanted to visit her at the hospital but met in an accident and passed away. I can't say anymore or else I'll be crying again.

Daddy grounded me four getting 62% in history. No internet on weekdays. Big deal!! Wait till he finds out about my geography paper.

Nite.

My first sad attempt at writing a book review.

Emotional Desperado

2005-04-12T13:28:00.000+08:00

4th August 1999

Dear Diary,

Emotional Desperado.....that's me... guys says I'm ugly....and now I believe. Even Hua Win said that and now I'm hurt badly and I can't seem to let the tears flow as free as I want it to be. I am an ugly bitch. JT doesn't show love to an ugly bitch because I am an ugly bitch. What can I do?! and the only good thing is that practically every guy in the whole world is now my pet brother.....and I DOWNLOADED IRC!!!!!!

p/s: The field is a good place to let out.

Imagine, just simple things like having IRC could cheer me up. What a kid, what a kid.

The First Kind Of PMS

2005-04-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

16th July 1999

Dear Diary,

Today is a must to write in here. I went for the Interact merting and JT was there. Damn, I didn't even dare to look at him. Anyway, I have been selected as an usherer and I might be put on duty at either Sunway Pyramid, Subang Parade, KTM station, Carrefour's bus stop or at school. :P

After the Interact meeting, I went down to meet Hua Win as promised. Well, we met and it was in front of the girls' toilet. Ew. Ne way, he stuck out his hand and I shook it. :) We talked for awhile with gaps here and there. Huhhh...then later I walked away to finish my history project but failed. In the canteen, I was trying to complete my work but there were this bunch of malay boys from the first class who were kicking my chair and spitting at Su Dein.

I scolded them twice, but when they did it for the third time, I got up, slammed the books on the other end of the table and settled down. I was so tensed up. Ahhhh. Before recess I wasn't a very happy soul. After recess, during moral I was worse. I scolded every single object in sight. History was next, then thank god, there was a firedrill and JT was right in front of me. He was in school to help out with some prefects' event. I'm so glad he was standing right in front of me but alas, I took another way.

I was practically screaming about my history project and that very moment happened to be the time when David Lim first saw me. Argh. We've been talking online for awhile and he had to see me in a sweaty state under the bloody hot sun.

I went back to class and teacher asked those who have not finished the history project to stand up. I had to stand up but I was okay about it when teacher questioned me this, that. So I'll have to pass it up on Monday.

After that, we went to change into our PJ clothes. As usual, we got rowdy and started screaming in the changing room. Then we got to PJ & Seline escapes PJ for having a heavy period. I was stuck in the bloody boring ball game. I tried to sneak out and you know what the fucking bitching sucking stinking ugly I-Zin said? She said "(my full name)....Don't cheat and get back to the game!" I feel like slapping her. So bitchy. Then I escaped, I didn't bother about her.

I went to sit with Seline and all the boys were calling, "Seline, Seline,".....argh......then I was talking to Seline about how nobody likes Amelia Han and poof! There she was, standing in front of us, sticking her hand at Seline and trying to be friends. Yuck. The bitch didn't even look at me. Fortunately, Seline didn't answer her. I feel worse when I'm with Seline; I feel out of place.

After all the drama, I went home and went on the net and tried to write a life story.........*lame*. I went on ICQ after that and stupid Hua Win blamed me for not holding the conversation. Don't care about him. Than JT came online and he asked me whether I still like him and I said yes and he was like, "Okay.". Then i called him a cutie and he called me "darling". Then I was so happy but I don't think he has any feelings for me. :(.

Ne way, changed the hansters saw dust as ants were living in it. Made and modified my school file/notes. Good night.

Everytime I read this entry, especially the part about Amelia, it makes me laugh so hard because Amelia and I are now practically the best of friends. I can't imagine not ever hanging out with her. I'm still amazed why it took us so long to accept each other as friends. LOL. I even showed her this page of the diary back in form3 and we had a good laugh about it but at that time I was still extremely secretive about the contents of this book because I still wrote in this diary when I was in form3.(year 2001).

Old Heart Broken

2005-04-09T22:38:00.000+08:00

13th July 1999

Dear Diary,

*Sob* Bart.. he likes Seline. I really cried you know. I've like Bart for two years since I was 10 and when I was 11. And now I have another competition. *sob* Seline's got so many admirers because she's pretty and I........* I wish for a better life. Where I have everything..... money, brains & looks.....if only it comes true. Money & brains are not really a problem but I don't have a damn confidence for my looks. I've told her how many damn times about the way she looks and she doesn't try to make me feel better.

But I know it's not her fault....so that makes me....a JEALOUS PERSON! Oh no...I thought I told myself that I am not the type to cry over a relationship? Well, what can I say? Serene and I are good friends...we shared money for the hamsters Joey & Phoebe....*sob*. I just wish that I had 10% of Seline's looks. Not her brains though. I know I'm kind of mean.

Yes, I have not learnt to draw the line between lust, infatuation and relationships. It was all this jumbled mess in grey. I actually have another diary filled with extremely childish recordings of my interest in Bart. That was back in 1998.

The Most Perfect Day

2005-04-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

9th July 1999

Dear Diary,

I had the most amazing guts. I told JT everything and he respected me for that. He didn't know I was the librarian who likes him. And he was so nice about it! He didn't diss me but he told me that he wasn't a guy to be hung over. Well, I told him that I had like him for a long time. He said he was flattered.

Well, we chatted. Maybe I'll print the history so I can keep it. :). Hua Win asked me to dedicate a song to him on Hitz.fm.:). Perhaps I'll do it some other time.

Let's get back to JT. I told JT that I didn't dare look at him in the eyes coz Melanie told him that I liked him and he said, "Awwww...that's so nice.....". I went "Y?" and he said coz it's so cute that I'm shy....

Ne way, I have lots more to say to him. Bye.

***

I know I sounded like the right airhead for liking so many boys at once. But this one was pretty hardcore. It went on for a total of 2 years. So you'll see.

Puppy What?

2005-04-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

4th July 1999

Dear Diary,

The other day when I was online, Hua Win told me that I have 110% of Seline's looks and I was like *WHOO HOO* LOL....ne way....Seline keeps on rubbing in about having IRC and alot of admirers.

By the way, JT signed my guestbook and he actually chatted with me online. Well, I'd be jumping up and down if it was like four months ago but now? I think of him as a friend. Also, I BOUGHT THE NEW MOFFATTS CD AND I actually jumped up and down in the shop. LOL.

Plus there is a VCD inside.

7th July 1999

Dear Diary,

Usual thing, Hua Win in my class. Yesterday I had my piano exam which I think I failed. Ne way, sleepy. Gtg.

Teenybopper, anyone?

The Young Mind

2005-04-09T13:38:00.000+08:00

19th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today was pretty hectic. Woke up at 8am and went to school and came back at 10am and went back to 10.45am..arghhh.

Today, Hua Win kept on appearing hear and there. Then at Interact meeting, there was a flour fight. It was an Annual General Meeting. The club president asked us to close our eyes and think of happy thoughts. When I opened my eyes, the new board of directors were covered with flour. Thanks to the ex board of directors. Then Melanie's bike keys got stuck in her bicycle lock. Kesian. Then we got all those really cute form3 and form5 Interact senior guys to help. That Jee Ling and Amelia Hon came to flirt. JT was there today.

21st June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today Seline teased Hua Win and is now very very scared that he will beat her up. I changed the posters in my room. Had a fight with Benjamin. Anyway, Bye for now.

22nd June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today, Hua Win came to my class to take some names. The whole class went "(my real name)x2, Hua Winx2, (my real name)x2......". It sounded like a song and Sharman was hitting the HIGH notes.... HUA WIN! HUA WIN! in his staccato voice.

This is the first time in my life I've gotten the whole class to tease me in unison.

Hua Win thoughts that they were teasing him.

Hehe, poor guy. Anyway, I wrote about the incident in the blue book, my other diary. Soon Wei and Sharman were standing at the back of me when I wrote it man!! They read the whole thing. SHIT MAN!!! Ne way, Aaron is being like super nice, letting me sign his autograph book. He even smiled at me after school. He is such a little boy man!

24th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Yesterday we made muffins in class and it was a disaster. JT saw me on the way home while he was cycling and snickered again. Hua Win told me that he did a spot check on my bag!!! I think he is crazy. Who would want to spot check my dirty bag?! I think Aaron is really becoming better. He wanna hang out together when the Moffatts come. Of course I want lar!

Ne way, I feel tired.....good night!

25th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today when I went to school extra early, Hua Win was there.....with his friend.

Anyway, when I asked Soon wei who he prefered, Denise or Seline. He said none and said I was the best. *HAPPY*. I told him I bet he was joking and he said it's a fact. Ahhhhhhh!!!

Ne way, wanna turn in now. Good night....

30th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Guess what? Soon Wei doesn't wear underwears! Yuck! WC found out by spraying water on his butt. Seline has an admirer who said that he wants to.. er. fuck her up. Right. I'm going to the library this Friday with everybody including Joshua.

1st July 1999

Dear Diary,

I think I've got plans for Joshua. I mean it's not always that you meet a kindergarten classmate back again after 6 years? I knew he liked me then (coz recently he told me that had a crush on me in kindergarten) and still now. But I have the teeniest weeniest feeling that Melinda likes him you know. Ne way, I can just see it. Joshua and (my real name). New pair in class. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Good night.

****

Looking back, I wonder if all young adolescents are so touchy feely about the smallest matters. I am really in awe of my own abilities to exaggerate and over react at the tiniest details in a friendship with the opposite sex. It amazes me that I still have guy friends today.

That Juvenile Bastard Part 2

2005-04-09T02:31:00.000+08:00

16th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Benjamin & me......NO MORE...... Jo told me that when he saw my pic he said I looked like shit!

I'm crying now you know. He told he went for inner beauty ...all those mushy stuff. I feel devastated. I really think that I'm ugly. I think I'm so pretty now a days that I forgot I'm really a best. I feel sad is because I'm ugly and Benjamin's words were fakes. Fuck that asshole man. I don't know what Hua Win sees in me. JT must be laughing at me coz what does an ugly person like me has something to feel for a cutie like him. I can't write anymore. I've been told off for my looks by boys many times.

Take for example the time I was at Seline's house. She was chatting with this guy called Nicholas who was in form2. I thought Nicholas was friendly towards me. But he is just one of those stupid bastard gangsters who was so full of himself. He related an incident to her about how a few days ago, I walked pass his class and smiled at him. He said that his friends felt like vomitting and he said he wanted to faint. After going offline, I took my bicycle and cycled home, crying all the way. It was so painful to hear comments like these.

I am UGLY.

***

Bleh. No worries for this child here, aights? She grew up into a woman who is bursting with unnecessary confidence and makes a fool out of herself just so that the people around her who loves her for who she is can laugh at the silly things she puts herself through. So what? Those were just a few bastards sprinkled across the earth. I realized I wasn't as bad as I thought I was but so what if I am never the beauty queen? :)

Of Teenage Angst

2005-04-09T02:03:00.000+08:00

11th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Life's a bitch. I can't take it anymore. My head is pain from crying. I just told my father that I got 25th in class. I was actually expecting 30th position. I got a 25 minute lecture. I am still crying now for your information. Well, my gums really hurt from crying. Now I'm in bed writing to you. I realize I really don't have a shoulder to cry on. My best friends are not the sentimental type of people. Later, dad told me that he'll be there for me ...bla..bla...

It still won't change anything, will it? No. Just face it. I'm 12. And I really, REALLY did a sharp turn when I turned 12. I got like 5 guy problems, 3 SERIOUS ones, a boyfriend, internet FREAK, popstars , Miss Cool, AVERAGE STUDENT!!!!

Today, Mel just told me that that JT thing was all a misunderstanding. Sux man...so they really didn't know anything. They were just talking for fun. Today, Jo told me that Benjamin is a playboy and they say he is handsome bla..bla.. I think I like him lah. Coz I felt a little jealous when she said that he got chased by Mark's sister, Diana before. Mark is Jo's boyfriend. And on the way home, we saw Hua Win again and then Farah told me that he might be liking me. (Duh!)

Anyway, I'm really tired.

13th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Life ain't so bad either. I can cope with it I guess. *smiles sheepishly*. Only that damn bloody Mel went and told JT that I liked him and bla.. bla..ARGH!!

14th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today Hua Win was the prefect for my class! *no reaction*. Friends say that he keeps looking my way and bla..bla... You know Shaman lar.

Then I really saw him look at me.

Then later at night, I saw him online. He just told me that a girl from 1D likes him. Issit true he is trying to make me jealous? I'd really like to know. He keeps on telling me how great he and his girlfriend are. *no reaction*. Well, let's just say he is trying to make me jealous.

15th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today is open-day. Before school, Hua Win kept on walking up and down in front of me. Does he really likes me or what? He acts so....so...strage. Hmmm...what if I pretend to like him? I wanna know WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!! Ok, now let's move over to JT. That @$$H0L3 smirked at ME! BABI!! SHIT MAN. THANKS TO MOTORMOUTH ...MELANIE. If she would just stop bothering with my life.

Ok, Hua Win is trying to make me jealous...which is what I call humiliating in front of my friends. *sigh*. Is this high school? Guess this must've been what those 'cool people' whom I think WAS cool whom I thought had such a wonderful life went through. Well, mine is so shitty man. Ne way, wanna sleep. My hair stinks.

Gotta wash it tomorrow.

***

I don't know I have the need to feel apologetic for my 12 year old self who was so absorbed in her own little world. I wonder what made me think I was so high and mighty. *ponders*

The Beginning Of Him

2005-04-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

10th June 1999

Dear Diary,

Today S-T-U-P-I-D Melanie told Aaron(her secret senior admirer) that *someone* likes JT. And she tol him that I was a librarian, chinese, pts, bla bla bla... See. I met the dude at my Interact membership drive and felt he was quite the hottie. But I didn't have any other ulterior motives.

The next day, they purposely waited for me during their prefect duties. Aaron, JT and another guy were there. I think it was Aaron who yelled out to me, "Hey! JT wants to talk to you," then they laughed. So I just walked away scowling.

It was when I talked to Mel about it that I found out what it was all about. I was damn humiliated. She put it this way, "JT laughed at you. You poor gir!" I WONDER WHO'S FAULT IS IT!!

Anyway, enough of that crap. I just figured out that I'm like having something to do with a guy from std6(Benjamin), form1(Joshua and Aaron(another Aaron)), form2(Hua Win) and form3(JT). Quite something eh?

Ok, now the part about the form1 Aaron. I overheard a conversation between Soon Wei, Aaron and their gang. They were saying something about me. Then Riman said, "Hey (my real name), Aaron likes you." "Awww, too bad. I don't like him," I said.

That's all for now, diary.

***

Folks, keep that name JT in mind. It will be the name that either pulls you back to this blog for more or turn you away forever due to boredom. Hmm.

That Juvenile Bastard Part 1

2005-03-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

5th June 1999

Sweet Nothings. Literally.

Dear Diary,

Wow! Today and lots of other days, many things happened which I should've written about in you. :) I got introduced to a form two prefect called Hua Win by Sharman Ali(my then classmate). We were almost in love until Benjamin came into my life. I'm not talking about that Chinak Benjamin from my class. No. He's from Penang. Joanne(my cousin) introduced me to him. Well, I thought I would have to deal with him like he's a year younger than me coz he's still in std6(we are of the same age). But Jo said he's taller than me and all. I find him to be a very matured guy that knows how to flatter girls. He told me that he's in love with me. :') (Bear in mind, I've only known the ~~guy~~ boy for a grand total of 4 days at that time).

Finally. In my life I have been waiting for this moment. (Yeah, my long life of 12 years. What a life time.).

*Sigh* Well, guess you can call me a girl who has a bf now. :D

Anyway, today the first time when he phoned me...his voice sounded broken but funnily broken.(I had a thing for broken voiced boys back then - it symbolised maturity. Ahem.)

This was how it went:

Ring!

Me: Hello?

Benjamin: Hello, may I speak to (my name) please?

Me: Speaking (getting nervous)

Benjamin: I think we'd better talk online. I'm so nervous.(Believe me...he was! Worse than me!)

Me: Yeah, me too.

*Click*

Benjamin: "I SCREWED UP".

I was laughing at how he was acting. *insert blush emoticon*

He went online that time and told me how nervous he was and so was I. He then....after a few blur moments, he just told me he liked me. Man! No guy ever told me that before. I was so blur man. He made it seemed so special. He gave me a virtual rose. So romantic. (I know I'm sounding lame). He then said he would call me and tell me that he likes me. (Oh whoop-dee-fucking-doo). I told him that I dared him to.

He REALLY DID!

Conversation 2#:

"Ring!"

Me: Hello? (damn shy)

Benjamin: Hi....(my name)...uh..I...uh...like you...(my name).

Me: Me too......haih.

Benjamin: Ahhhh.

Me: Aiyoh. *donno what to say*

Benjamin: Nervous again, let's chat online.

Me: Ok. (I laughed).

(That had to be the lamest conversation I've ever had. Then again, we were kids.)

So we went online again and chatted for an hour plus. God, he's the most romantic guy in the whole world. My boyfriend, my boyfriend. Benjamin. My boyfriend. Anyway, I wanna sneakout.(Hahahaha, those days when I said 'sneak out', I meant sneaking out to the family hall to use the computer in the middle of the night).

Good night.

Luv,

(my name)

---

7th June 1999

My worry list

Dear Diary,

I'm afraid I'm not ready for a steady relationship. I think I'm too young.(Ya think?) I'm afraid my friends would laugh at me in the face when I tell them that he's still in primary school. Damn embarassing. *insert blushing emoticon*

Well, I'm not sure who to confide in this time....

This are the things I'm worried of:

1) Parents picking up a call from Benjamin.

2) Friends laughing at me and telling me that I'm pathetic. :'(

3) Our appearences.

4) He wanna go out with me when he comes to KL.

5) I might be taller than him.

6) We just knew each other. (4 days).

By the way, I just don't think we're ready for this....yet! Well, I only knew him for four days!! And he's already my bf!!!!! Sigh.......I really, really am messed up. I'm scared. I'm scared if my parents finds out about this. *Boo hoo*. I had a vision of us kissing and lots more *ugh* gross..don't wanna think anymore. Yuck. Double yuck. Ugh!!!!

Well, it's getting late. Good night.

----

8th June 1999

Dear Diary,

I was right about who Hua Win is. Today.... I'm wondering if Sharman showed me to him or he just came up. (???). He purposedly passed by me, that I know. I told Fazah aboutit. Later I purposedly turned my back to him. Then Nurdin told me that he was staring at me. *Big Whooop*.

Now I have like three guys wrapped around my finger. (Rightt.. do they know?)......Hua Win(maybe), Joshua and Benjamin.

Pretty cool for a 12 year old huh? (Oh yeah, it's too cool.) Yummm.

Ne way, today Jo emailed me and asked me to give Benjamin a chance. But I STILL AM NOT READY. I thought I had changed when I had a bf. But NoOooOo....all I needed wuz to get back to school and get a real look at the cute guys who I forgot exist on this planet...

Today I woke up at 4.30am.(Tuesday). and wanted to chat with the Moffatts on Zoog Disney. I asked like a million questions. But did I get an answer?? Nooooo......instead they answered questions about their height, age where you can just get FROM GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.(Definition: fansites)

Ne way, I'm tired out. Bob(pun intended) Bye.

***

This is the first part of that thing with the juvenile whom I called "my boyfriend". After this entry will be the introduction of the boy whom I was seriously smitten with for a good three years.

Feisty Woman, Me.

2005-03-28T18:36:00.000+08:00

I think I may have just learnt the word bitch.

9/4/99

Dear Diary,

Today's a good day for boys but not GIRLS!!! Ok, the good thing is that Aaron seems to be talking to me nicely. He borrowed my art block. And Soon Wei, um...he wasn't bad. He was throwing the sejarah books to every table...but when he reached mine, he politely gave it to me! How sweet!!

Ok, now the girls.

KRISTIE AND SIVAMAYA ARE TWO OF THE MOST STUPIDEST(excuse the grammar) BITCHES IN THE WORLD. (After Pui Sin that is) :(. It happened during chorus(pronounced by me q-u-a-r-r-e-l) speaking. I decided to call it QUITS when Kristie came up with a stupid that only the (Kristie's primary school name) girls laughed at. *sigh* Everyone tried to hold me back. I came back alright. But I still managed to scream at the bitches!!! I really, really hate them. I swear I do. I wish they were never in my life!!! I want them dead!!! I want them gone!! I hate, hate, hate them!!!!!! I'm not sure if I'm going to join it. I don't know. I'm sad. I don't know how to face others after the show. They're gonna call me bubble gum(???!!) or something like that I'm positive.

*Sigh* God. I burst into tears in front of Daddy. That was a big mistake. Lecture, lecture was all I heard. What can I do? Quit? Again? No way! This would make TWO sides mad. Daddy's lecture. Again. My friends would think that I 'mengada-ada'. How?

I don't know but please help me in whatever I decide to do.

Please, and promise you'll help me.

Luv,

(my real name).

****

I am the Make-A-Wish diary! I shall grant all your wishes! Yes! I shall confront your 'friends' and settle all your petty problems for you! I am the most magical make-a-wish diary of them all! Muahahaha.

Oh Wow! A Make-A-Wish Diary!

2005-03-28T18:28:00.000+08:00

Oh Diary, Please make my wish come true~~~~!! Sheesh.

8/4/99

Dear Diary,

Oh well, thanks ne way diary. You made Soon Wei talk to me and boy! That guy is very cute. But all he needs to be is a little bit more aggressive. *sigh* Nobody will tease me and Soon Wei. (I was wishing they did, if you are unable to comprehend what my 12 year old self had to say). I like him.(I think). Oh yeah, Jason's getting cuter and cuter day by day.

Dear diary, can you please make him AT LEAST smile to me? Start up a conversation with me? Man, you're a make-a-wish-diary and you know that baby *wink*. Ok diary, I gotta shut up as I'm soooooo stressed out and badly need some rest.

Luv,

(my real name)

***

Rigghht. Being egoistical is SO stressful.

Beginnings Of Bitchiness

2005-03-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

7/4/99

Dear Diary,

Gosh! I could sleep anytime now but I just felt that I had to talk to you for a moment. Can you please make Soon Wei smile and look at me more? Please......today I got 88% for English!(surprising. The grammar I had was atrocious. I had to do so many corrections before blogging them down). That wasn't bad was it?

Oh yeah, the chorus practice is almost gonna like the *ugh* drama(lame ass school production). Too bad. If they don't improve and allow that Kuah Pui Sin(Bitch!!!) to come in, I'm gonna sign off. If they don't want me to sign off I'm gonna die. That 'bitch' really brings up my goosepimples. You should've heard her 'mengada-ada' voice while reading the chinese word. I think I felt like puking. So did Melanie. She told me that that 'bitch' reminded her off a JE Pig!(yes, JE was that disease going around back in the late 90s.) Ha! That's a good one I had told her.

*Sigh* Gotta wait for a whole week for my new computer. Sad.

Gtg diary, Bye!

Luv,

(my real name)

So Chain Letter Wishes Do Come True

2005-03-28T17:47:00.001+08:00

6/4/99

Dear Diary,

YOU SHOWED ME THE TRUTH!! SOON WEI'S BEEN LOOKING AT ME EVERYTIME I glance at him. God, it's a dream come true..Having Lee Soon Wei to be interested in me is beautiful. It's every girl's wishes!! I guess I should send more chain letters out in the future. My new computer is coming NEXT Thursday. It's like MEGA-COOL!! With a real sound card and everything. I'm gonna love it. I bet I will. It's gonna be in daddy's room. OooOh..... I can't wait! :) I'll be counting the days. One by one. Oh yeah, that idiot Joshua thinks he drives me crazy and he just said it "I send you the love.... I mean GREETING CARD..... did you receive it?" It was so sickening. Like he wanted the whole world to know. Euurgh! Soon Wei was laughing his head off. I wanna shut up now dear diary. Good night.

Luv,

(my real name)

Good lord. However, as much as there are to be ashamed of, I am adamant about the fact that young preteen girls are the most egoistical beings ever. After young men of course. But that's another story for another blog.

Discovering Chain Letters

2005-03-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

5/4/99

Dear Diary,

I've been receiving chain letters and have been making wishes to have the boys fall all over me. Well, I'm not really sure if it actually came true. Aaron is like....I think he likes me. And Joshua has been sending me mushy cards(e-cards) and telling me it's a joke. Crazy or what?! Hey wait! there's more! Soon Wei is always catching me in the eyes, the quiet Jason is like looking at me, and that Adrian Lim notices me whenever he passes me. I don't know. I believe that you hold the future. So can you please show me the progress in the future? Please....

Thanks.

Luv,

(my real name)

That First Page

2005-03-28T17:15:00.000+08:00

how very juvenile

4/4/1999

Dear Diary,

It's your birthday!! I just bought you. I swear I'll never forget the day I bought you as long as I keep all my sweet moments and memories in here.

Yours sincerely,

(my real name)

I'll love you 4eva!

You're my good friend.

***

That was the first ever entry. Ever so cringe inducing. But what's a 12 year old to write in a clean new book?

Prologue To That Diary Girl

2005-03-28T14:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, I came upon my old diary. In the diary, I would write about how I felt about the people around me. Well, mainly boys. I was discovering what it was like "to love".(That was what I believed in). But as you continue to read me, you'll understand that the real term is really infatuation.

I had this diary for a good five years of my life. By the end of the 5th year, I jumped onto the blogging bandwagon and have never looked back since. I have been writing about myself and my life on my blog for nearly two years now. Some of you may have read me, some of you may have not.

Though I have a blog and as all the other bloggers out there say, "It's my blog and I can write whatever I want." However, I beg to differ. Throughout my blogging career(if we can call it that), I've learnt that it's never good to "write whatever you want". I have to filter my entries just in case I lose a friend.

But in a diary it was different. No one else reads it but you.

Though keeping a diary has been a past time long forgotten, I'd like to share all my younger more foolish intimate thoughts with you.

Mind you, my following entries will possess the worst grammars ever; that's because at the age of 12/13 I have not had enough English classes yet. Unlike the amount I've had today. The entries are neither earth shatteringly tragic or are of the intellectual kind.

I was but a mere child when I first started to write hence the mindless rants about "that bitch," "that asshole". But the main component of my diary was about my infatuation for this one boy and all the other variables I had.

What you'll get will be the ones I once wrote from my heart.

I would be constantly mocking my younger self in these fonts.

If there are any of you who feel that my writing is familiar, do drop me a line at that.diarygirl@gmail.com and see if your guess is right.